IC Contact

[foolishwren]

ffzzbrrttzzckssshhhh

"Yo, it's Heather. I'm probably asleep or Godzilla ate my 'Gear or something so I can't answer you right now. But feel free to leave a message or something. I'll probably get back to you. ... Probably. Peace out."

BEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
[Need to send Heather a private message but don't particularly wanna spam up your friendslists? Feel free to leave it here! Please include the name of the game and IC date of the message in your comment to help avoid confusion. For OOC contact, feel free to send a PM or IM the mun at Phantastus! peace out yo]

Comments

[foolishwren]

<sub>[The reincarnation stuff she knows a little about, at least. Both from Envy and from a conversation or two with Lust. She remembers the other woman talking about how she looked differently before. With dark skin, and brown hair instead of inky black.]

[Maybe it's the little bit of wine in her system at work, but Heather can't help but try and imagine what Lust must have looked like back in her first life. Just for a minute. Not that she'd change anything about the way Lust looks NOW, but... god. She must have been beautiful.]

[Heather bites her lip and looks back down at her glass. Probably real fucking inconsiderate to be thinking about something so shallow when they're talking about REAL things.]</sub>

... And I guess Scar must be from the same culture that you were in your first life. That didn't really occur to be before, but... it makes sense.

<sub>[She says 'first life' because... well, that's what it is, isn't it? She's never considered the Homunculi to be failed half-lives wandering around, paler and emptier than the humans they'd been supposed to be.]

[It's just another life. A different one.]

[Like hers.]</sub>

[a_sin_for_him]

[Lust nods.]

We're both of Ishbal. It fell to the military forces some time ago, most of her people wiped out. The few that remained were kept in camps.

[She doesn't know quite what's become of them. She's never really wondered, but she does now. She doesn't realize how quickly she's been drinking her wine, more than half her glass is already gone.]

He knew me. In my first life.

[What harm was there in saying so? Envy knew. Greed knew. It wasn't some great secret, simply something that rarely needed discussing. And Heather seems so sympathetic and wiling to listen.]

But I died before the war came.

[foolishwren]

So you're saying that if I called Lust right now and told her you were stuck in my window when she wasn't home, that 100% wouldn't be something she'd talk to you about maybe not doing?

[foolishwren]

<sub>[Heather's eyes widen, and she lets out a soft 'Ohhhhh.']

[So THAT'S the connection.]

[Okay. Scar and Lust officially Make More Sense now.]

[... She feels a little bad for reading him the riot act for getting stuck in her window a few weeks ago. Not like. THAT bad. But a little bad.]</sub>

Do you... remember much?

About your first life?

_{[She can't help but ask-- and her curiosity is equal parts related to curiosity about Lust HERSELF and Heather's own, personal wondering. Envy never really said much one way or another about any past memories HE might have, and Heather hasn't really asked. But Lust seems much more willing to discuss what was than Envy is.]}

[envy_the_sinners]

That is not what I said at all.

[He's going to be so bruised, tomorrow...]

[a_sin_for_him]

No.

[Lust shakes her head. Another source of ceaseless frustration for her.]

Just small flashes. Dying, mostly. Being ill. A fragment here, a voice there... it's all in there somewhere, but buried deep or wiped over by some foul alchemy. I don't know.

[She is willing to talk about it. She thinks about it often, but rarely gives voice to it. Only sometimes, with Greed or Envy.]

I thought if I became human, I'd remember everything. Be just as I was. Sometimes I think very foolish things.

[foolishwren]

Okay.

So it's okay to call Lust, then?

_{[SHE IS PULLING OUT HER GEAR.]}

[envy_the_sinners]

[Scar's face of bewildered resignation makes it clear that he actually does not care. He makes a motion something l like a shrug, limited given his current situation.]

[foolishwren]

... I don't think that's foolish.

<sub>[She pauses, staring down into her wineglass for a moment. It's weird-- the prospect of sharing the information she's thinking of sharing is ALWAYS kind of nerve-wracking, but usually by the time she's ready to offer it to someone, it comes out pretty naturally.]

[But her heart is thumping and there's a weird fluttering sensation in her stomach.]</sub>

... I didn't remember... anything about my first life, outside of those kinds of flashes. For a real long time.

But in my experience, that stuff comes back when-- and if-- you need it.

_{[She offers Lust a slightly crooked (and nervous) smile.]}

I bet it'll come back someday.

[a_sin_for_him]

[Lust shakes her head.]

Who we are is as much a product of our experiences as anything else. Even if woke up tomorrow and remembered all of that life, I still wouldn't be that exact woman. I'd be something else again. What we are is transient. Fluid.

[She finishes her glass and pours another. She doesn't often drink to drown maudlin thoughts, but she feels the need right now. And it makes it easier to talk about all these things.]

How did they come back? These things you remember...were they prompted by something, or did they simply trickle back on their own?

[She pauses, but refrains from asking anything else right now. She has questions, certainly, but...]

Oh god, sometimes I think I don't want to remember at all.

[Text]

[wing_attack]

You think so?

[foolishwren]

<sub>[... Okay, she was... expecting some other reaction than just general defeat.]

[So she kind of stops, 'Gear in hand but not open.]</sub>

... You seriously don't even care?

[foolishwren]

Yeah, you wouldn't.

I think one thing that messes a lot of people up is expecting to be the same person they used to be.

<sub>[Whether or not multiple lives were involved.]

[She cranes her head back a little bit to look up at the dusky skies, tearing her eyes away from Lust for a moment.]</sub>

It was... it was prompted. And... and sudden. But not all at once. It was more like... a really blurry picture, coming slowly into focus. A lot of really blurry pictures.

_{[She takes a drag from her own glass, going thoughtfully silent for a few seconds, before adding--]}

It hurt a lot to remember. And there's times when I-- when I really wish I didn't. Almost every day, actually.

... But in my case, I needed to. It probably saved my life.

[a_sin_for_him]

I wonder sometimes, though...if that would make a difference....

[To Scar. She doesn't think about the specific connections between them much, it's uncomfortable and strange. But she can't avoid it right now.]

That sounds like how it was for me, when I remembered what I did. Called by things that made me remember, but I didn't even understand them at first. I didn't even really know what I was, then. But I remembered.

It may not have saved my life, but I think it saved my soul.

[Text]

[foolishwren]

sure I do

He got along with HENRY, and Henry is terrified of social interaction in general

[Text]

[wing_attack]

Henry seems pretty nice to me...

[foolishwren]

Yeah.

I know that feeling.

... It all made more sense when I got it all back.

But it didn't make me the same person as I was before. No matter how much anyone else wanted me to be.

[a_sin_for_him]

Were there those who wanted that?

[Lust's voice is soft.]

For you to be who you'd been before, instead of who you are now?

[envy_the_sinners]

[Scar, meanwhile, does not see why he would.]

She has helped me out of situations far more foolish than this, and she has a way of finding out these sorts of things anyway.

[Text]

[foolishwren]

what?

oh no of course he's nice, he's a sweetheart

he's just not good at doing the talking to people thing

you know?

[Text]

[wing_attack]

Oh. Yeah, I get that. I'm not... exactly great with it either.

[foolishwren]

_{[For a moment or two, Heather pauses, but then nods. There's no point in acting any differently. So much of what had happened... had stemmed from that.]}

Yeah.

_{[Her voice is equally soft, and trails off in a sigh.]}

Wanted it badly enough to do unspeakable things to get the old me back.

[foolishwren]

_{[She looks at him a few minutes longer... then heaves a sigh and stuffs the Gear back in her pocket.]}

All right... well, if you really DON'T care...

_{[Another pause.]}

Should I leave you here for her to find and not say anything about it?

_{[SHE'S NOT GOING TO BUT SHE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT HE'LL SAY.]}

[envy_the_sinners]

[Scar stares at Heather for another long moment.]

What have I done that is so personally offensive to you that would warrant your being such an ass?

[HE LEGIT DOESN'T GET WHY YOU CAN'T JUST LET HIM OUT, HEATHER.]

[a_sin_for_him]

I'm sorry. It's an awful feeling, that you aren't what you should be. Even if it's coming from someone else.

[Remembering or not. She draws her legs up, tucking her knees under her chin and sighing as well.]

I never wanted much, you know. Just to be human, and with him. I have those things, why is everything still so difficult? oh, I know why, I just...I don't care about any of that. What was before. Not as it relates to us.

[But Scar cares. She knows he cares, even if they never dare speak on it. Is that why he's being so quiet of late? Simply a resurfacing of old guilts and shame?]