foolishwren | 97. [Action for Goldenrod/Private Text]

97. [Action for Goldenrod/Private Text]

[Locked to Ironhide, Minnie Mouse, Otacon, and Dale Cooper]

I don't know if it'll fix anything at this point, because I said some pretty horrendous things to all of you, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry.

I'll understand if you're still mad. None of you need to reply to this.

[Action for Goldenrod]

_{[It's probably not surprising that there's been radio silence from Heather on the 'Gear for awhile, considering... well, everything. Even if she hadn't had her 'Gear confiscated as part of the 'grounding', she hadn't exactly been in a chatty mood.]

[But even if she's bound to the city, she's not bound to the hotel room, and considering that she's sort of in the doghouse at the moment, she's not too interested in staying cooped up with the people who are rightfully upset with her.]

[So she can be found wandering the streets of Goldenrod City with Cujo padding along at her side, window-shopping or occasionally lounging on a bench-- minus the firepowers that blew the metaphorical Diglett-hole into a volcanic mountain a few weeks ago, but unfortunately still with the unattractive aftereffects of the whole ordeal: smoky black hair, patches of scorched-looking skin, and a permanent burnt-toast smell following her around.]}

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_{[Her own answer takes awhile to come because... well, there's a lot of factors. A lot of different variables to be regretted or not. But ultimately...]}

yes

_{[That is something, then. He thinks she does for the right reasons, or hopes so, anyway - he can't tell for sure when he's not there in person to read the cues. But he sticks to text, even if audio would be the next best thing, because he's not sure he could keep himself from snapping at her.]

[He doesn't actually answer that, for several reasons. That's all he wanted to know.]}

_{[It's kind of embarrassing just how long Heather waits for an answer. Because hey, it's text. It's impossible to tell if he's sitting there with the 'Gear or if he got up to do something else, and nobody likes coming back to find like twenty messages from that person they're mad at being all 'R U THERE' and crap.]

[So she waits.]

[Watches TV, gets something to eat at some point, spends a half-hour or so untangling the knots in Alessa's silky leg-fur...]

[It's around the four-hour mark that she realizes Cooper's probably not going to answer.]

[Then it's another two before she decides she should suck it up and say something.]}

Coop, I'm sorry.

_{[He hadn't really expected her to text him back - for one because of the time gap, but also because he remembers spending a lot of time in solitude when he was younger. Then again, she IS grounded, and has had a while to consider a lot of things.]

[He's ... still not sure about things, on his end. He sighs when he sees the text, although it's more tired than anything else. But he decides it's a good thing that she's still there.]}

What you set out to do was something unforgivable. I hope you understand that.

_{[Part of her is relieved when she sees the return text pop up, but she bites her lip all the same.]

[She wants to defend herself, her position. Her reasons for doing it, even if she knows it was a bad idea. But she doesn't want him to stay angry, either...]}

yes


but i did have reasons for doing it

i know that doesn't matter but she did kill my father

_{[... And then, as an afterthought...]}

and vincent

_{[He frowns. Vincent, too? He didn't know that - not that it eases the action, but it's another little piece of information to put away.]}

I know she killed your father. I understand the appealing notion of revenge. But that doesn't change the nature of the act.

_{[He doesn't ... want to put her completely on the spot, though. He understands it must be hard for her. But he's just ... if she'd actually gone through with it, he could never have looked at her the same way again. Things are changed even now.]}

I care about you and I hope you consider me your friend. But there are certain things you can't accept or forgive. I don't want to see you walk down that kind of path.

_{[She sighs, staring at the screen. How could she possibly explain things? ... Worse, how can she possibly explain that she'd walked down that path long before she'd ever met him?]

[.... Would that mean losing him?]

[It's a long while before she decides to reply.]}

Cooper, you are my friend

probably one of the best I've ever had






but you should know something

before I met you and came here, I have killed people with my own two hands


you aren't stopping me from going down some kind of path I haven't walked yet

_{[It sounds... horrible, and she knows the context would probably make a huge difference, but... well, despite his knowledge of PART of the paranormal aspects of her experience (Alessa's rebirth, and the splitting of the souls), he doesn't know half of the rest and trying to inject that explanation now would just complicate things. ... And feel too much like she was trying to distract from the issue at hand by adding a sob story.]}

_{[There's a sinking feeling in him as he reads the words, but it's ... at first, more out of concern and worry than anything else. Because he knows he doesn't know all of what happened to her. But that only brings the question of why she had to do that - and he hopes that's the thing. That she had to.]

[Because to him, there is a big difference to be made between killing someone and murdering them.]

[He's killed several people himself. He remembers how hard it was - how hard it still can be. It puts a permanent mark on you. And it troubles him greatly to learn that she has one of the same kind.]

[It takes him a little while to respond. The question he doesn't ask is 'which one was it?']}

There is a difference between manslaughter and murder.

_{[Manslaughter is killing another person by accident, or unintentionally. As far as she knows.]}

it was very much on purpose

_{[Then there's voluntary manslaughter - intentionally killing someone but with mitigating circumstances. So he ... doesn't quite explain, but keeps asking, because it's clear she didn't quite understand him.]}

Was it self-defence or with malicious intent?

_{[... There is a long, long pause.]

[Because you know what? She has to think very hard about that question.]

[After maybe fifteen minutes, the answer comes.]}

both

_{[Both.]

[There's something in him that sort of just wants to snap the gear close and walk away from this. But he can't and he won't because this is Heather, and he cares far too much to abandon her.]

[Thing is, that's not a good answer.]

[It's better than other options, but it's still not good. It still means something he can't look past and he feels close to betrayed by it.]

[And struggles with that for a few moments.]}

Is there anything else you'd like to say?

_{[The response comes fairly quickly, although she did have to think about that question a little bit.]}

i'd like to say a lot of things but i don't think any of them would make things any better






i'm sorry i never told you

_{[It's not something she's ASHAMED of, really-- hell, she's told people before. Told CARMEN. Flippantly, even! But at its core it's not a joking matter and it's very specifically something she never brought up to Cooper before.]}

_{[It's not a joking matter at all, and that takes away from the apology. Besides, it's more about the action of having done it - not what she's hidden from him. Which he'll type out next, taking a bit of time with it before he hits send.]}

This isn't about what you did or did not tell me. It's about your actions.

_{[It probably comes across accusing or even hard in text, but ... he isn't, he's more tired than anything else. All the same, he's not going to switch. He'd rather not.]}

_{[Even if it's not meant to come off as harsh, it... well, does.]

[Once again, the justifications are at her fingertips... the fact that her kills had not been murders even if they'd been intentional, the monstrous nature of her circumstances.]

[But she doesn't type them. It would feel cheap, pathetic, defensive. More like immaturely clawing for ground in an argument than actually vindicating herself. And to be honest, vindicating herself isn't even really something she wants to do right now.]

[So, heart sinking, she just sends back.]}

the only thing I can say is sorry

if that's not enough, I understand

_{[He pauses there, not immediately sure what to answer. Because in many ways he hadn't expected that. He'd like to imagine he knows her. Not that he'd been waiting for justifications or excuses or explanations, but the tone that those words give - "if that's not enough, I understand" - is different than what he might have expected to find.]}

I'll let you know the moment I do. We'll talk about this more at a later date. Okay?

_{[The question like an afterthought.]}

_{[His response, in turn, surprises her a bit. Not that she'd necessarily expect him to leave her hanging there, but rather than a further expression of his disapproval, it's one of caring.]

[Not that there's much comfort to be had, really, but it's something. And it's a lot better than some things he COULD have said.]}

okay

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97. [Action for Goldenrod/Private Text]

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