foolishwren | 62. [Text/Video]

[TEXT]-- locked to Otacon, Kaito, Rise, Snake, Phoenix, and Cybil-- (who Heather doesn't realize is gone yet oops)]

Hey, if you're there, answer ASAP

It's important.

[VIDEO]

_{[Dad's here.]

[Dad's here.]

[Dad is here and it's for real.]

[Heather knows because she went to sleep that night after talking what felt like forever-- almost positive that in the morning she'd wake up and that video message would be gone entirely, just a figment cooked up from her tired, bug-fried imagination and a whole lot of wishful thinking-- ... but nope. There it was.]

[Which of course meant that there was still a distinct possibility that she'd just gone CRAZY.]

[But hey. One good way to find out if THAT was true or not: Post stupid Pokemon videos to the network! If reality had indeed warped, maybe the responses she'd get would all be from Lovecraftian monstrosities and Picasso paintings instead of the fine people of Johto.]}

Haha, oh my god, you guys. Look at this.

_{[The feed shakily settles on an intense drama unfolding on the floor of Heather's room.]

[The little surprise-Eevee who hatched on April Fool's Day is lying on her back on the floor, just waving her tiny, stubby legs and occasionally rolling back and forth fruitlessly-- her enormous, completely-floppy ears puddled on the floor on either side of her, apparently heavy enough to prevent her from rolling over and getting to her feet entirely. She's not making any complaining sounds, or even looking particularly distressed. Just... quietly flailing and tipping back and forth.]

[When the camera turns on, it's with Godzilla the Totodile approaching. Maybe to help her up?]

[... Nope.]}

I think he's jealous because this thing's been getting way more attention than him-- ohp-- look at that. He's jeaaalous!

_{[The little crocodile Pokemon had turned to face the screen, reptilian lips pouched in an angry pout.]}

Sorry, 'Zilla. I call it like I see it. You-- no, don't you shake your head at me. You're practically turnin' green right now.

Keep this up and you'll look like a normal alliga-- hey, where're you going?

_{[The camera shifts to follow Zilla as he waddles angrily off to the other side of the room to sulk underneath the bed. Heather calls after him.]}

Y'know your face will stick like that if you leave it too long!

Hahah....

.....

... He's probably gonna eat all my pants.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

... Panty?

_{[... And then Heather's whole face just-- ... crumples into a surly look.]}

Ew, that's the creepy skank who has this constant hate-boner for my friend Kaito.

I don't think I'll HAVE to stop Dad from talking to her-- he'd hang up on her within like, five seconds.

_{[Harry Mason would find Panty to be in BAD TASTE. >:(]}

(deleted comment)

_{[.... what the FUCK, Claire.]

[Heather turns to the other girl with an expression that would suggest Claire had just suggested the remote possibility of Mr. Rogers enjoying a night of kinky S&M with Adolf Hitler.]}

Dude, he's my DAD.

He frowns disapprovingly at bikini magazines and Hooters restaurants. Whenever something involving scantily-clad twenty-somethings came on the TV back home, he just sighed about kids were getting less and less innocent and how sad it was that the media was setting such a bad example for impressionable young people.

If he saw HER, he'd just have an aneurysm over how low society has gotten.

Don't even talk about that!

_{[Fun fact: you know how some people get pissy when you talk about their mom? Heather is that way with her dad. You've been warned.]}

I'm only gonna say this once: Don't joke about my dad.

_{[Congratulations, Claire. You have now seen a glimpse of Heather's incredibly touchy side.]}

_{[Yeah, there probably aren't many people who like this Heather. Maybe Vincent, but that's because he's weird and didn't get hugged enough as a child or something.]

[In any case, Heather glowers for a second or two before easing back from doom-mode to 'mildly annoyed'.]}

Anyway.

Panty can take a flying leap.

Yeah, and she tries to spread nasty rumors about people, too.

Also, she thinks I'm a stoner who participates in massive orgies all the time. ... But that's partially my fault.

_{[Heather was no prude, but Panty's particular brand of being skanky and MEAN about it didn't exactly jive well with Heather's like-o-meter. At first it was just sorta funny, but once she started going after Kaito, it stopped being funny and just made Heather mad.]}

_{[OH, HA HA.]}

Well, she was asking why everyone in this place was virgins, and I told her we had orgies all the time and she just kept missing them...

... And then I spent an entire conversation making her mad by making as many puns out of the word 'sex' as I possibly could.

_{[A beat.]}

... She hung up on me.

I lost count.

But I think my favorite was 'sexistential philosophy'.

_{[sob normally I don't like using things I didn't make myself, but I saw that one and FFFFFFF IT WAS TOO GOOD NOT TO TAKE]

[Heather just smirks and buffs her fingernails on her vest.]}

She was just jealous she couldn't come up with them herself.

She should be paying me royalties.

62. [Text/Video]

.... BUTLER, BRING ME MY SHOTGUN.

BLAM

.... /GETS THE MISSILES

kshhhhhhhhh BOOM

GOOD >8I

YES. IT IS IDEAL.

YES. The bright light is God.

The Bright Light: is actually fire

do it