foolishwren | 97. [Action for Goldenrod/Private Text]

97. [Action for Goldenrod/Private Text]

[Locked to Ironhide, Minnie Mouse, Otacon, and Dale Cooper]

I don't know if it'll fix anything at this point, because I said some pretty horrendous things to all of you, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry.

I'll understand if you're still mad. None of you need to reply to this.

[Action for Goldenrod]

_{[It's probably not surprising that there's been radio silence from Heather on the 'Gear for awhile, considering... well, everything. Even if she hadn't had her 'Gear confiscated as part of the 'grounding', she hadn't exactly been in a chatty mood.]

[But even if she's bound to the city, she's not bound to the hotel room, and considering that she's sort of in the doghouse at the moment, she's not too interested in staying cooped up with the people who are rightfully upset with her.]

[So she can be found wandering the streets of Goldenrod City with Cujo padding along at her side, window-shopping or occasionally lounging on a bench-- minus the firepowers that blew the metaphorical Diglett-hole into a volcanic mountain a few weeks ago, but unfortunately still with the unattractive aftereffects of the whole ordeal: smoky black hair, patches of scorched-looking skin, and a permanent burnt-toast smell following her around.]}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

... Yeah... I guess they do...

_{[With a smile that's... a little bit bittersweet, she leans on the railing and lapses into silence, watching the struggling duo down below.]}

[He does as well, hands seeking out his pockets as he balances idly on the balls of his feet. The silence continues for a few more moments, punctured by nothing but the wind, before he spoke again]

... d'you remember the conversation we had the first time you told me about her?

_{[She turns her head to look over at him, then back out at the city, sucking her lips in briefly.]

[Oh yeah... that conversation.]

[She'd broken down on his shoulder and given the ocean next to them a run for its money in terms of saltwater production. Embarrassing.]

[... And then he'd kissed her.]

[Oh yeah. She remembers.]}

.... Yeah.

... and remember how I said that you feeling a certain way didn't make you a monster? It just made you human?

[turning slightly to face her now, head tilted]

I meant it. And I still believe it.

... Yeah. I know. I believe it, too.

_{[... But all the same, she heaves out a quiet puff of breath and folds her arms on the railing, looking back out at the sea of golden buildings stretching out away from them.]}

[a small quirk of a smile]

Good. 'Cause no matter what you do-- no matter how you feel-- that won't change.

[exhale...]

I'm not mad. I can't be. Haa... you know better than anyone here, don't you?

I don't have a right to be.

... Heh. Yeah, you really don't.

_{[But apart from the brief amusement, she still doesn't look too sure.]}

... I dunno, Kaito.

Actions are what make monsters.

... I'm not sayin' that... doing what I was gonna go'd necessarily make me one, but...

_{[It's a slippery slope, is what she's saying.]}

But, what? [He tilts his head towards her again, knowing exactly where she was going with this... but he knew himself that he couldn't quite agree. He didn't have all of the story-- and could he really blame her for that? It was hers to tell, and he had no right to pry.

But he knew Heather. Maybe not as well as he could, but well enough to have the utmost amount of faith in her]

You say actions are what make monsters. You're right, s'true. And I dunno, maybe I am missing half of the story. But no matter what your intentions were, no matter what you feel, no matter what you wanted to do and how close you came to doing it, in the end you didn't.

[A beat, and a shrug]

I think that's what matters the most.

_{[He knows her better than most, in any case, even if he doesn't have the full story. Hell, nobody has the full story. Not really. Bits and pieces, yes, but Silent Hill is a patchwork quilt of bizarre and the full picture is far too much to dump on anybody all at once.]

[She's quiet for a moment or so, but then speaks up in a soft voice, still not looking directly at him.]}

... I'm glad you think so.

_{[And it's genuinely thankful-- not a 'well I'm glad YOU think so' sort of sentiment at all.]}

[Another moment of hesitation, and he reaches out to place a hand on her shoulder, giving her a (hopefully) comforting squeeze.]

... sometimes-- [But he cuts himself off quickly after he speaks, gaze flickering away, back to the street below them. What he wanted to say next was one of the most difficult things for him to admit-- to himself, and to other people-- and it was something he hadn't actually told anyone before... something he had only hinted to her very briefly the last time this conversation came up]

I'm pretty firm about what I'll do for my own dad. There are lines I won't cross because it puts me on the same level as the people who... y'know. [He lowered his voice a bit, hand slipping to his side again]

But just so you know, sometimes I think-- [Another hesitation] It'd be easier, too.

_{[Her skin is hot to the touch, but she doesn't flinch away-- it might LOOK like hell, but it's not tender, at least... that's her one big comfort. If the disease had given her real burns, like the ones she'd had back ... then, even the slightest air motion would have been excruciating.]

[After a brief hesitation, she reaches up to put her hand over his.]}

That makes sense for you, though. Even if it's hard. ... For me, it was never about my level or theirs. Sinking to their level never even... occurred to me, I guess.

... But I guess it was different, back then.

There were more things than revenge at stake.

[He pauses, unsure if he should ask. . . but in the end, his curiosity and concern win out]

What else was there. . .?

_{[She pauses, frowning slightly.]}

... Kaito, I know a long time ago, I told you about... you know, some of the stuff from back home.

... How much did I tell you?

_{[It had been so long ago... Not even six months after they'd both first arrived in Johto. Back then, he was one of the only ones she'd ever opened up to about her past. But since then, she's told bits and pieces to other friends, wherever it might be relevant.]

[It's hard to even keep track of who knows what...]}

[It had been a long time ago... but it was still something difficult for Kaito to forget]

... your dad. Claudia. The cult that you had to deal with while you were in Silent Hill... what their ultimate goal was.

It feels like a lot already.

_{[She nods slowly, taking that in. Their ultimate goal...]

[So he knows, at least, that the world itself had been in danger that night. That's a relief. ... It always feels weird to talk about that part. Weird to think about it, even. To think about how close things came to ending.]}

... Did I tell you that Claudia and I were once best friends?

[He glances up at her again, not masking his surprise]

I-- no.

Back when we were really little.

... We were practically sisters.

[He falls silent after that, turning his gaze back towards the city skyline. Like sisters...

That must have made things so much worse.

But saying that aloud would be rubbing salt into the wound, so he stays silent, waiting for her to continue]

_{[Yeah. It had.]

[She's silent for awhile, just looking down past the railing and at the tiny people trailing up and down the sidewalk far below.]}

... She was made into what she was. I'm not saying that means she didn't have a choice... it's no excuse. Nothing could excuse her. She's a monster and I hate her.

But she still had an ice cube's chance in hell of turning out any other way than she did. She didn't have what I had. She had the exact opposite of what I had.

And I...

... Well.

I've got my own issues. None of which really have to do whether what either of us did was right or wrong.

_{[She looks back up at Kaito.]}

So... telling me that I'm better than she is...

S'a bit of an oversimplification.

N'it doesn't really make me feel better.

[He's quiet when she is, and quiet when she talks, but he doesn't look away from her as she does. Someone who was made into what they were... someone who didn't have a way out. It was a factor he hadn't known earlier, and one that shed a whole lot of light on a situation he only had a marginal understanding of before.

When she's done, he nods, a small, weak-yet-understanding smile forming on his lips]

... I can understand why it wouldn't.

Yeah.

... And-- ... I know why it's the first conclusion you'd jump to. 'Cause for you, that's... that's what it's all about, right? For you, that's all you got sometimes. Right?

... But it wasn't like that for me.

I wish it was.

... But it wasn't.

That's...

[He turns away from her again, towards the horizon, nodding as he does so]

... yeah. It's all I have sometimes. [He gives his head a shake]

But it's not always about me and how I frame the world around me.

_{[This time, she's the one who reaches over to lay a hand on his shoulder.]}

I know that's not what you were thinking when you said that stuff to me. I just... you know. I didn't wanna sound like a dick. 'Cause I understand why you said it.

[nudges her gently, pulling up a smile as he does so]

You didn't. [a beat] Well, you were kind of a jerk back when we were arguing about it, but that's all water under the bridge by now.

_{[Her own mouth curls a little in response.]}

Yeah... if nothing else, I at least realize I can be a total asshole sometimes, right?

_{[She trails off, hesitating for a moment, then finally reaches over to return the arm-around-the-shoulders gesture.]}

I couldn't do it in the end, anyway. ... Kill her, I mean. ... I wanted to. STILL want to. But...

97. [Action for Goldenrod/Private Text]

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