foolishwren | 101. [Text] (backdated to the 23rd)

101. [Text] (backdated to the 23rd)

okay listen up you weedles, I was going through a bunch of old photos stored on this thing and found this one I forgot about from like idk a few months ago or maybe a year or something

it's starter appreciation day so it seemed appropriate to just say a few words or something about that ugly orange thing in the picture with me

okay so first of all
i hate dogs
like
i fuckin HATE them, okay. I always have
I also hate FIRE
Fire and dogs are basically like the top two things on my hate list
so when you take that into account, Cujo the Growlithe is essentially an overlapping circle graph of everything i hate



needless to say, when they gave me HIM on top of all the interdimensional kidnapping and shit it basically felt like this:



except he was some kinda huge mutation or something 
so
i mean
really




like seriously let's take a look at this majestic animal



unlike that other picture, nothing in this one is an exaggeration everything you see is the bare naked truth, like speaking of naked i have no idea how he loses so much hair (on me) every single day and yet still looks like the unholy baby of a tiger and a dusty bunny that lives on the cutting-room floor of a Muppet movie

so yea what I'm trying to say is that i was SUPER DUPER THRILLED at being told i was going to have to go on a magical adventure with this thing. like it'd be one thing if he minded his own business and stayed away from me but



what made it even worse is the fact that i am pretty sure this dog has like two fucking brain cells, i don't think dogs are supposed to be like this



anyway i would draw more of the retarded stuff he does but i think you get the general idea. he is basically the stupidest thing on the planet

so it probably goes without saying that for a long time i basically hated him. he was always up in my space and as i said before, i fuckin hate dogs. his hair got all over my clothes. he was heavy and knocked me down and chewed on my shoes and constantly ran away and got me in trouble because he knocked OTHER people down and chewed on THEIR shoes and to top it all off he'd light things on fucking fire



so what you're all probably thinking is, wow, she clearly hates this poor animal, so was that picture at the beginning photoshopped at something

i'm not even actually sure if they have photoshop here but the answer is NO

you see, after a few months of just generally trying to ignore him, some shit happened and i learned something
despite the colossal asshole i'd been, he stuck with me and protected me anyway. like seriously i was pretty much the most gigantic douchenozzle towards him but he was basically too stupid and nice to care, and things like that deserve someone who actually treats them decent

because seriously i probably would have died if it weren't for him

so yeah uh three years later, here we are

love ya, you stupid stinky dog




_.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Makes two of them. c:

... And yes, that is precisely what he's implying.]

Why not? I'll have ya know they're some great artists!

[For real.]

_[BI]

Ohohoho. If only I could show you some of the stuff I drew as a kid...

I'm sure they were masterpieces. Did they include universe butts, too?

[He scratches his chin thoughtfully.]

Come to think of it, your dad has some pictures of you as a kid, right? I don't think there were any of your drawings there, though, at least not in the ones I've seen...

Probably not universe butts, but butts in general probably. Butts are hilarious when you're five. _{[And also when you're 15. And 21. Actually, they're pretty much always hilarious.]}

But yeah, he does. He got one of our photo albums last year for Christmas when we all got something from home.

And later on, too, I guess. [Seeing as she draws them now...]

Yeah, I remember. Sounds like a nice thing to get.

_{[BUTTS ARE ALWAYS RELEVANT OKAY.]}

Yeah.

I'm glad he got it.

As much as possessions aren't that important... we did all kinda leave our lives behind. That's a lot of memories back there...

[OH OF COURSE.]

Tell me 'bout it.

[There's a bitter sound to the way he says that. Almost three years without Black Bird... Talk about a bird having his wings clipped.

He makes a pause, mulling something over before speaking again.]

... That part 'bout fire... You really hate it so much?

_{[The bitterness isn't lost on her. It's something she can understand and relate to, so she just nods. She may not miss home... but...]

[The next question catches her by surprise, though, and she blinks at him a little. Then nods again, nestling further back into her pillow.]}

Yeah, actually. I do.

Why?

[Seeing her surprise, Crow lets out a somewhat embarrassed laugh. That really did come out of the blue, didn't it?]

Nothing, just-- Thought last summer must've sucked for you, then.

... More than I realized, that is.

[Not to mention the fact Ur was right when she assumed it could have some meaning for her...]

... Oh.

... Well, yeah. It was horrible.

_{[Ur had pretty much been right on the money. Smart lady is smart.]}

...

[Aw hell, there goes the light-hearted atmosphere of universe butts.]

Sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up.

No, it's okay.

... I involved you in that whether you wanted it or not, so I can't really be upset at you for being curious.

_{[Her right to be upset at Crow for interfering pretty much disappeared when she STOLE HIS PIDGEOT.]}

[That's really nice and all, but even so, he doesn't want to ruin her day by poking his nose into her business. Which is why he has no intention of pursuing the subject.]

... So! Got any plans for the rest of the day?

[How incredibly subtle.]

Not really. I was gonna take Cooj out to the edge of town and let him run around for awhile.

Maybe stop by a cafe on the way back and get something to eat. He likes it when I buy him an extra hot dog and let him eat it on the ground.

Heh, sounds neat. Bet that'll make him happy!

... Maybe I should get Black Lance some extra bird seed, too.

Heh, well, it's not like it's hard to make Cujo happy.

_{[One of the benefits to being dumb as a post, apparently, is that it doesn't take much to please.]}

But yeah, why not?

S'not every day this holiday comes around.

One of the things that make him a great companion, right?

[To be fair, he finds most of the members on his team don't require too much to be happy, either -- just look at Black Lance! All he really needs is some bird seed and stuff to steal.]

And that's what holidays are for! ... Though I guess they could use a little more advertising with this one. I haven't actually heard of it until this year.

I don't know about great, but it makes him fun, that's for sure.

_{[She rubs her chin for a moment.]}

... Yeah, now that I think of it, I don't remember it being a thing before.

Maybe it's new.

Either way, you two look happy with each other.

Maybe! It's kinda cool. Wonder if they have some others like that. Maybe a Flying Pokémon Appreciation Day?

[Not biased at all, nope.]

_[...Snerk.]

Has anyone ever told you that you have a one-track mind?

Nope, never.

[They probably didn't want to offend him or something.]

What, you think I do?

Just a bit.

_{[IT'S OKAY THO. She likes flying types too.]}

[He shrugs a bit.]

Can't say I see anything wrong with liking what's good.

I guess it pays to know what you like.

Still, though, I haven't heard of any type-specific holidays.

Guess I'll have to make one on my own, then!

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