foolishwren | 101. [Text] (backdated to the 23rd)

101. [Text] (backdated to the 23rd)

okay listen up you weedles, I was going through a bunch of old photos stored on this thing and found this one I forgot about from like idk a few months ago or maybe a year or something

it's starter appreciation day so it seemed appropriate to just say a few words or something about that ugly orange thing in the picture with me

okay so first of all
i hate dogs
like
i fuckin HATE them, okay. I always have
I also hate FIRE
Fire and dogs are basically like the top two things on my hate list
so when you take that into account, Cujo the Growlithe is essentially an overlapping circle graph of everything i hate



needless to say, when they gave me HIM on top of all the interdimensional kidnapping and shit it basically felt like this:



except he was some kinda huge mutation or something 
so
i mean
really




like seriously let's take a look at this majestic animal



unlike that other picture, nothing in this one is an exaggeration everything you see is the bare naked truth, like speaking of naked i have no idea how he loses so much hair (on me) every single day and yet still looks like the unholy baby of a tiger and a dusty bunny that lives on the cutting-room floor of a Muppet movie

so yea what I'm trying to say is that i was SUPER DUPER THRILLED at being told i was going to have to go on a magical adventure with this thing. like it'd be one thing if he minded his own business and stayed away from me but



what made it even worse is the fact that i am pretty sure this dog has like two fucking brain cells, i don't think dogs are supposed to be like this



anyway i would draw more of the retarded stuff he does but i think you get the general idea. he is basically the stupidest thing on the planet

so it probably goes without saying that for a long time i basically hated him. he was always up in my space and as i said before, i fuckin hate dogs. his hair got all over my clothes. he was heavy and knocked me down and chewed on my shoes and constantly ran away and got me in trouble because he knocked OTHER people down and chewed on THEIR shoes and to top it all off he'd light things on fucking fire



so what you're all probably thinking is, wow, she clearly hates this poor animal, so was that picture at the beginning photoshopped at something

i'm not even actually sure if they have photoshop here but the answer is NO

you see, after a few months of just generally trying to ignore him, some shit happened and i learned something
despite the colossal asshole i'd been, he stuck with me and protected me anyway. like seriously i was pretty much the most gigantic douchenozzle towards him but he was basically too stupid and nice to care, and things like that deserve someone who actually treats them decent

because seriously i probably would have died if it weren't for him

so yeah uh three years later, here we are

love ya, you stupid stinky dog




_.

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I've pretty much given up wondering. ... As much as this place kicks you in the gut sometimes, it's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me, so... best not to look a gift horse in the mouth, right?

... What about you?

Yeah, I gave up wondering too.

As much as I can give up anything, that is. [Which is to say, he's tried very very very hard to kick the habit, but it lingers forever. You might have noticed he has trouble giving things up.]

... Heh. Yeah, I can't see that happening too easily.

_{[She remembers his... uh. Tenacity.]}

... Anyway. I never found any answers. I'm not totally sure there are any.

So it's all just random or pointless? I'm not sure I can accept that.

Not that I have a better idea anymore.

I didn't say that...

Just that there aren't always answers. There is a difference, y'know.

_{[But she's not keen on arguing it. Because who the hell really KNOWS the truth? She sure doesn't.]}

Anyway, even if there are, I guess they don't really matter that much to me now.

There have to be answers, somewhere.

Really? What if they aren't answers to how to get home? Just why we're here.

I just don't wonder about it much anymore, that's all.

I just try to get by.

I guess that's a pretty healthy philosophy actually.

... HEH, well... there's times when it's more difficult than it sounds...

_{['Getting by' can seem like a momentous task when you have a heavy past, but then again, what else are you supposed to do.]}

... Anyway, uh...

... Sorry I was such a brat to you back... you know.

Way back when.

_{[Not that she isn't STILL an unlawful fuq-da-police hooligan, but she has done a little growing up...]}

[THERE IS A REALLY LONG PAUSE. And finally:]

Were you? I hadn't really noticed, to be honest.

[Like jeez. Heather, his friends and traveling companions were Kazooie, a seven year old enemy pirate, and said pirate's archaeologist, someone who is perfectly capable of destroying his world. Really either of them are, and quite accidentally at that. Meanwhile his two canon best friends call him fat and ugly respectively. It would take a lot more for him to consider anything Heather did all that annoying. But don't expect a return apology. He's always gonna be an asshole.]

Hell, you're less annoying than most of the kids around here. [In tsundere marine that's actually a compliment :\]

_{[... Okay, she can't help but laugh.]}

Well, I was mostly referring to my mini-crime spree... _{[Waaaaay way back when.]}

But I guess that's good to hear.

_{[SHE'S A LITTLE CHILLER WITH LAW ENFORCEMENT DUDES NOW. ... Not... you know, COMPLETELY, but progress is progress.]}

Tch. You made amends and mellowed out a little.

[Grunts.] I guess we both have by now. [Though in Smoker's case, it was a great deal of putting up with G5 back in his world.]

At least you never blew up any buildings around here. That seemed to be a fad for awhile.

Pfeh... as if. I might be a bit of a jerk sometimes but I don't do terrorism.

_{[Mellowed out... in many ways he's right. In others, she's not sure how true that is. But then, that's another matter entirely.]}

Anyway... been keeping yourself busy?

Yeah. [Nods.] You're really not that bad for the lot around here. [Which in tsun-tsun speak means he actually kind of likes her.]

[And a grunt.] Off and on. [AKA: Not really, and he should try harder to convince the Jennys to let him do something police related because trying to get gym badges holds no interest for him.] You think the Jennys would go for a Pokemon training justice academy?

_{[wow. HIGH PRAISE coming from someone like him.]

[She allows herself a grin.]}

Would they go for it?

... Probably not, but they need it, that's for sure.

They're embarrassing.

Hah. They need one on law enforcement more, but I have a feeling unless the word "Pokemon" is tacked in there somewhere, they won't acknowledge it.

Maybe you could pitch it as some kinda combined combat-and-battling school or something.

Couldn't hurt. Maybe they'd suck less at their jobs. Then again, my idiots at G5 never really shaped up so I don't have high hopes for it.

[Not that Smoker has high hopes for anything.]

Yeah, not that I've ever LIKED police of any kind-- ... no offense-- but this place sure would be a hell of a lot more safe if they actually knew how to do their jobs.

Telling the difference between actual crime and people just bein' dumb punks would be a good start, too.

Definitely. You'd think there weren't any levels to criminals the way they handle everyone the same, it's insane.

Yeah, that's always been my issue with this place.

... That, and the refuse to see when something's an accident.

Like that... whole thing that happened back then.

_{[It's ancient history by now, but Heather's pretty sure it stayed on her record. :I;]}

Sometimes I'm not sure if they care to figure out the difference either. [But then, maybe that goes for his own world too.]

Yeah, they don't.

_{[There's a thoughtful pause.]}

... When we talked back when I was on the run, I kinda thought you thought that way, too.

... Glad to hear that you don't.

[A grunt.]

Not that. I made the pirate I traveled with go to the police and spend two weeks in jail too. Sometimes facing consequences early saves you a lot in the long run.

Not everyone is on the run because they deserve it, but if they deal with the easier route, it helps the police rule out the real problems.

... Pfh.

Seems to me it'd be better if they stopped aggressively pursuing dumb shit and focused on the real matters to begin with.

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101. [Text] (backdated to the 23rd)

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[Voice] // sorry this is crazy late! I got sick

[Voice] That's okay! I hope you feel better! D:

[Voice] THANKS! I am :3

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