119. [FOURTH WALL! ACTION FOR ERRYBODY]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[It's begun.]

[THAT TIME OF YEAR.]

[No, not the time of year when the Christmas decorations start going up in stores-- let's be real, guys, that happened like two months ago.]

[No.]

[It's that time of year when the boundaries between worlds grow thin and all kinds of wild and wonderful things come pouring out of thin air onto the streets for all to watch and enjoy.]

[... And then on the other end of the spectrum, there's...]</sub>


WHOA! HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK! MORE NEW POKEMON!!!

_{[The shout of an excited Ace Trainer dudebro who never quite got off the September Swarm hype train rings out over the chaos as a small army of... uh... things come bumbling down the sidewalk, ineffectively squawking and bumping into peoples' legs.]}

OH! Oh, they're ADORABLE! LOOK! I'm keeping one RIGHT NOW!

<sub>[A Poke-Fan sweeps one off of its tiny nub feet and cradles it like an infant while it flops and kicks.]

[A crowd soon forms.]

[No one pays any attention to the trainer hopping up and down at the edge, waving her arms.]</sub>



Guys-- GUYS!! STOP!

THOSE AREN'T-- THOSE AREN'T POKEMON, YOU GUYS.

DON'T TRY TO CA-- unbelievable.

Comments

[foolishwren]

Don't mention it.

_{[That's what adopted siblings are for.]}

... Aw, you sneeze like a kitten.

_{[... And they're also for teasing.]}

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry's ears fanned out to the side.]}

Uugh...well, if we can't get those kids to stay away from those...things...maybe we should leave before it gets ugly.

[foolishwren]

... TCH. Yeah. Let's.

<sub>[WHY THE HELL NOT. Everything would go back to normal in a few days. If someone ended up getting mauled by gross dinosaur nub babies, they'd forget all about it when things reset.]

[So she turns and starts to trot down the sidewalk.]

[Naturally, one or two of the numbodies go waddling after them, but whatcha gonna do.]</sub>

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry twisted around to see the terrible turkey things following them.]}

I would ask how they're following us without eyes, but that would be a dumb question.

<sub>[And then. Because Heather was unlucky enough to pick up Henry Townshend and carry him around, an enormous hole ringed with runes appears directly below them and swallows them up.]

[It promptly spits them right back out in the middle of the Kanto Safari Zone of old and disappears with a loud VWOP.]</sub>

[foolishwren]

They're Silent Hill monsters. They don't need to make se-EEAHWOA!

_{[She's literally in MID-STRIDE when the hole opens up underneath them and, and the next thing she knows, she's got a mouthful of dusty Safari dirt and Henry is probably slightly smushed underneath her.]}

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[The little grass-type groans and claws at the ground to try and get out from under Heather.]}

That was old two years ago.

_{[VRRRRRMMMMMMMM the sound of a jeep vibrates in the air as one rolls up, packed with tourists. They are wearing sunscreen, ugly shirts, and holding binoculars.]}

[foolishwren]

_{[She props herself up on her elbows to let him out, spitting out the small portion of the Safari Zone that had acquainted itself with her tongue.]}

Fuck.

Where are we?

_{[Then the TOURIST PARTY JEEP pulls up and Heather squints at it over her shoulders. DB< ????? ??????? ???]}

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Several of the people in the jeep stand and lean over the bars. They talk excitedly amongst themselves and point at Henry.]}

Look at that!

That's not in the guidebook! It must be a new species!

Catch it!

_{[Suddenly there is a rain of rocks and gross pokemon bait upon them.]}

[foolishwren]

<sub>[Okay, either these trainers are idiots... or they've gone back in time. One or the other. Either way, Heather doesn't have the CONTEXT CLUES necessary to determine the difference, having been unfamiliar with Pokemon's generational divide.]

[So when they suddenly start PELTING HER AND HENRY WITH ROCKS AND STINKY MASS-PRODUCED FOOD LUMPS, she leaps upright, shielding her face with one arm, and screams--]</sub>

OH MY GOD!

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henreon lets out a wail of dismay and straight-up bolts, his leafy tail held high like a flag.}

Heather, RUN!

_{[The safari balls commeth.]}

[foolishwren]

_{[She's actually marching towards the group with her fist raised... when one hits her directly between the eyes and she stumbles backwards, clapping a hand to her forehead.]}

OW!

SHIT!

_{[Okay, fuck it, she's turning and running. She did not sign up to deal with this today.]}

[no_ufo_ending]

<sub>[The jeep roars behind them and Henry lets out a pitiful little Leafeon chirp of dismay.]

[Wait a second.]

[He's a pokemon.]

[Henry digs his front paws into the grass and wheels around to face the vehicle full of tourists. He fans his ears and tail out and starts soaking up that sweet sweet sunlight.]</sub>

[foolishwren]

<sub>[Heather tears straight past him, barely even seeing him in the undergrowth. He blends right in.]

[... She, unfortunately, doesn't.]

[Another rock bounces off the back of her head and she goes down in the weeds, cursing loudly.]</sub>

[no_ufo_ending]

<sub>[Heather's shout sets his fur on end. That's enough.]

[He waits until the jeep is almost upon them before unleashing a Solar Beam. In a horrifying, searing blast, pure sunlight cannons out of the little yellow and green creature's mouth. Its sheer force rockets the jeep and all its passengers backwards over the nearest hill where it lands with a loud crash.]</sub>

[foolishwren]

<sub>[LOOKS LIKE TEAM TOURIST'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaiiiiiinnnn...]

[With the sudden lack of rumbling motor noises and hooting tourists, the only sounds are the rustle of Safari grass and distant Pokemon cries.]</sub>

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry stands up on his little back legs and lets out a triumphant chirp.]}

Heather! Heather, they're gone!

[foolishwren]

<sub>[There's a rustling in the grass... and then something pops out, a great deal closer to the ground than it should be.]

[It's a ruffled-looking navy-and-buttermilk head with two long ears and a smattering of rusty red spots between them.]</sub>

Uggghhh...

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry turns on the spot in search of his adopted sister. His stupid palm tree ears start to droop.]}

Heather?

_{[What if she'd been knocked out!? The photographer cranked up the volume.]}

HEATHER?

[foolishwren]

I'm here...

<sub>[She crawls the rest of the way out of the grass.]

[And stands up.]

[... TRIES to stand up.]

[WHY IS THIS NOT WORKING.]</sub>

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[When Henry sees what his sister has become, a shudder runs from the base of his tail to the nape of his neck. Oh, no. Oh, why did she have to be a fire-type? He lifted his brown paws in what he hoped was a calming gesture.]}

Heather--I don't know if. You're aware. That....you are sort of shaped like a potato.

[foolishwren]

_{[She'd clapped a stubby paw to her temple, grimacing, but her eyes pop open when he breaks the tough news.]}

What?

I--

.... aw, hell.

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry sinks back down to all fours and tries to think of something reassuring to say.]}

At least you're not a Trubbish.

_{[Nailed it.]}

...That probably won't be the only jeep if we're where I think we are! We need to move.

[foolishwren]

I HATE THESE WEEKENDS.

<sub>[She can't even tell what she is yet. Just that her legs are really short.]

[But she'd rather get as far away from the TOURIST PATH as possible, so she turns and starts to WADDLE away from the Jeep's trail.]</sub>

[no_ufo_ending]

<sub>[Henry bounds along side her on his LONG LONG LEGS, weaving from side to side and eyeing those rusty spots on her head and back with worry. He knows what comes outta there.]

[The Safari Zone, luckily, has lots of patches of tall grass, thickets of trees, and tall plateaus to weave in and out of. A flock (or herd) of doduo speed by, kicking up dust. A couple of Psyduck splash in the shalows of a nearby lake. Somewhere a Chansey sings to its egg.]</sub>

It's a lot more peaceful here than I thought it would be...

[foolishwren]

Well, to the Pokemon, I'm sure it's serene as FUCK until a bunch of humans show up and start throwin' rocks at them.

Remind me never to pay for one of these things.