foolishwren | 015, Action

Current Mood: blank
Current Location: Out on the boardwalk north of Violet City

Entry tags:

015, Action

_{[So aside from a few fleeting times she's run into somebody in town or popped up on the 'Gear's network to sass someone, Heather's been a little scarce lately-- ever since the aftermath of her drinking escapades with a certain clone and dweebish scientist. Where's she been? Not far, just... not really around anybody. Why? Well, she sure hasn't been talking about it, whatever it is-- though it wouldn't be too hard to imagine that she'd want to keep her head down after likely incurring the wrath of owners of kicked-over trashcans and whoever'd had to deal with the mess made after Liquid took out a line of lawnchairs while trying to flip over them.]

[But today, instead of being off by herself in the woods or wherever it is she's been staying, she's sitting off out on the water, legs dangling off that long wooden boardwalk that lead to Sprout Tower. Boots and bag are discarded, sitting off to the side in a jumble. Her Pokemon aren't out-- apparently company is not on her chosen menu today.]

[She's not wearing her usual array of cheeky grins or pissed-off-teenager expressions today, either. In fact, her face is somber .... almost blank as she stares down at the water while pondweeds wrap around her ankles and the occasional curious Goldeen ventures up to investigate her toes.]

[Should anyone actually decide to approach the brooding blond kid (although she couldn't be called this much longer-- her black roots are starting to show through OH NOES), the reception they'll get... depends.]}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Heh...thanks.

[A pause.]

...You, uh...know, don't you? [He laughed, obviously embarrassed and still faking a smile.] I was never very good at being subtle, but I f-felt like I had to tell someone about everything.

_{[Poor guy. She can kind of tell he's forcing it. She replied with a genuine-- if slightly amused-- one.]} Yeah, I know. It was kinda obvious. But I don't mind.

Sometimes you just gotta... talk about that kind of stuff.

Maybe some people don't understand what it's like to have to, but... I do, for what it's worth.

Yeah, I guess so.

[Otacon sighed, crossing his arms behind his head.]

...It's...nice to have someone understand.

Yeah. Makes a pretty big difference.

_{[With that, she leans back to lie down, herself. The wood's not much of a cushion, but it's not bad.]}

After Dad was gone, it was weird going out every day and being surrounded by people who have no idea what it's like. It gets lonely.

...I ran away after my father died. Went to college, shut myself off from the rest of the world the best that I could. It felt like...like people were irrational, or just too unpredictable for me to deal with. Computers and electronics were simple, black and white. Either a circut works or it doesn't, and if it doesn't you just fix it without a problem.

People...aren't so easy to understand. I guess that scared me.

... I don't blame you. It... must have been really terrifying. _{[She hadn't known Otacon for a long time, but even in the scant few weeks anyone here'd had to get to know each other, she'd seen how nervous and flighty and... socially inept he was. Imagining a younger him going out into the world for the first time after such a big emotional blow was sort of heartwrenching.]}

... I was always pretty good. Socially, I mean. I was kind of a bitch, actually. Y'know, the mallcrawling, partying type. _{[... And the shoplifting, fighting type.]} ... Then once I lost my dad... I mean, I'd already started trying to get away from all that, but... it was so weird.

Even if I'd tried to do that old stuff, I don't think I could have.

It was like all the people I used to hang out with, even the decent ones, were a totally different species.

_{[You didn't just go back to loitering around the food court and giggling about boys after Silent Hill.]}

I was never really social or anything, so it wasn't really a big change. Kept to myself, went to MIT and all that...I wanted to be an engineer in order to help people. Make up for what I'd done, y'know?

But you're kind of right--nothing's ever really normal again after something like that.

Yeah, I didn't exactly... have close friends. ... They weren't really friends at all, just... people I surrounded myself with. ... I don't exactly miss it, but it was weird realizing I could never go back to it.

_{[She was quiet for a little while after that-- just thinking. 'Make up for what I'd done'. Under normal circumstances, Heather wasn't a very nosy person. Even when she'd been acting out, filling in the ranks around her with 'friends' to dispel that feeling of secrecy she'd always been encouraged by Harry to keep up, she had still had 'Mind your own business, stay safe' hardwired into her. ... But she couldn't help but wonder. What could someone as sweet and awkward as this guy possibly have done?]}

.... Can... I ask what happened?

I never had any friends at all until I met Snake. Unless you count my stepsister, when we were kids.

[He stared at the sky with an almost blank expression for a minute or two before closing his eyes.]

You'd just hate me if you knew. I'd probably deserve it.

_{[There's a long silence, and then she sits up.]}

... You don't have to tell me if you don't want. ... But I don't think I'd hate you. ... I know what kinds of people I hate.

[Otacon didn't speak for a long few minutes, contemplating this. He was absolutely sure Heather would be disgusted with him--who wouldn't be? He definitely hated himself enough for it.]

[Then again...he was tired of keeping secrets. He wanted to be able to trust someone, whether she hated him or not.]

It...was my stepmother. [Otacon sat up, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his head on his arms.] We had an affair. She seduced me, I didn't want--

[His voice cracked and he trailed off.]

...when my father found out, he drowned himself. Tried to take Emma with him.

[Otacon ran a pale and shaking hand through graying hair, looking sick.]

...if you never wanted to talk to me again, I'd understand. I'm amazed Snake didn't just turn around and walk off the second I admitted to it.

_{[She'd expected to hear that maybe he'd come home from school one day to find his dad had blown his brains out and hated himself for not knowing, not predicting. SOMETHING like that. Something predictable. Something that she'd expect someone to blame themselves for from pure emotion, no logic.]

[She hadn't expected to hear that.]}

...

_{[When she spoke, there was a legitimately horrified note in her hushed voice. But it wasn't his behavior that she was horrified at.]}

Hal...

_{[If it had been anyone else, she might've thought-- hey. Dumb horny teenage boy, hot stepmom... the rest's history. She'd known plenty of perverts back in high school. ... But this was Otacon. He balked at the idea of drinking and had spent a whole night talking about rabbit ears and being proud of his little pink sheep. He stammered and hid under tables.]

[And he said he'd run away to college.]

[Possibly shattering all of Otacon's expectations, she laid an uncharacteristically tentative hand on his shoulder.]}

.... How old were you?

[He flinched slightly at the hand on his shoulder, more out of surprise than anything. She wasn't revolted, didn't hate him? It didn't make sense.]

[Otacon couldn't quite manage to speak for a second or two, staring blankly at the water.]

...seventeen.

_{[Welcome to the real world, buddy. Not everything makes sense.]

[The touch became a squeeze.]}

... Hal, you were just a kid. _{[Hell, he'd probably been the kind of kid Heather had made fun of back then. Not some suave football jock putting the moves on a cougar. There was a difference. A BIG difference.]} How on earth could-- .... how is it your fault that someone did that to you?

It just was. I shouldn't have let--shouldn't have g-gone along with it...it was just my fault. Then I ran away and left Emma because I was too much of a coward to face what I did.

[He took a slightly shaking breath--he looked pale and worn down, staring at the water with an almost defeated look.]

If I hadn't done that--hell, if I just had the nerve not to run away--maybe she'd still be alive. I don't know.

_{[THAT was something she'd heard before. Oh yes, she knew that argument. She also knew it was wrong. No matter WHAT had happened to his sister-- and she was sure it was bad-- it was still wrong. But words weren't gonna convince him, she could probably talk forever and it wouldn't work.]

[So instead, the shoulder-squeeze turned into a fierce hug. This was not a tender 'let's talk about our feelings' hug, this was a no-debates, all-purpose 'you are being silly now listen' hug.]}

Stop. Do you know how many people who have been through something like that blame themselves because they let it happen? ... And do you know how many of them are wrong?

... It's not your fault, Otacon. So you got scared. You screwed up. That doesn't change the fact that someone did something to you that they shouldn't have, and it's not your responsibility to-- ... your stepmother was a bitch, okay?

_{[And lo, the angels lifted their arms and sang out a deafening chorus of: "A-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHH"]}

...?!

H-Heather...

[Words utterly failed him for a few minutes, as they tended to do. So he just hugged Heather back, tightly.]

...everyone I love dies. Always.

_{[And thus, Otacon got the hug he'd probably been needing for awhile. Heather didn't let go-- just adjusted her position a little so that she could maintain the hug without being in danger of overbalancing and falling into the water. Because yeah, this conversation really didn't need pondweed and fish.]}

That's life, man. ... It's hard but it's life. You can't blame yourself for that.

[Why yes. Yes, he desperately needed a hug.]

I-I know. But sometimes I can't help thinking it's all my fault.

I know... I know, it's really, really hard ... And... and it's normal to think that. I think it's normal for any decent person who actually friggin' cares to think that.

_{... I think it too, sometimes...}

...for what it's worth, I don't think it was your fault.

_{[She smiled.]}

You don't know what happened.

... But thanks anyway. I do know it wasn't my fault. _{[That knowledge would never remove the guilt-- or the 'everything would be different if I'd only--' nature of everything that had happened that night-- but it was still important. No matter how hard the guilt got to deal with, she had that fact to remind her to keep going.]}

No, I don't. But I'm sure you wouldn't do anything like that on purpose.

And neither would you.

_{[OHOHOHO LOOK WHAT SHE DID THERE. She's turning your logic against you, Otacon. WHAT NOW?!]}

!

[WELL PLAYED, WORTHY ADVERSARY]

I-I--!

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