119. [FOURTH WALL! ACTION FOR ERRYBODY]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[It's begun.]

[THAT TIME OF YEAR.]

[No, not the time of year when the Christmas decorations start going up in stores-- let's be real, guys, that happened like two months ago.]

[No.]

[It's that time of year when the boundaries between worlds grow thin and all kinds of wild and wonderful things come pouring out of thin air onto the streets for all to watch and enjoy.]

[... And then on the other end of the spectrum, there's...]</sub>


WHOA! HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK! MORE NEW POKEMON!!!

_{[The shout of an excited Ace Trainer dudebro who never quite got off the September Swarm hype train rings out over the chaos as a small army of... uh... things come bumbling down the sidewalk, ineffectively squawking and bumping into peoples' legs.]}

OH! Oh, they're ADORABLE! LOOK! I'm keeping one RIGHT NOW!

<sub>[A Poke-Fan sweeps one off of its tiny nub feet and cradles it like an infant while it flops and kicks.]

[A crowd soon forms.]

[No one pays any attention to the trainer hopping up and down at the edge, waving her arms.]</sub>



Guys-- GUYS!! STOP!

THOSE AREN'T-- THOSE AREN'T POKEMON, YOU GUYS.

DON'T TRY TO CA-- unbelievable.

Comments

[armoredsoul]

[Al's just...

He's gonna...

...yeah, he has literally no words. Just horrified stares.]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[SHE TRIES-- OH DOES SHE TRYYY]

[But after a moment or so she just GIVES UP. Nothing can stop the excitement of a crowd of people seeing a BRAND NEW POKEMON for the first time.]

[SIGH.]

[She turns away from the commotion, shaking her head... and spots Al.]</sub>

... Oh.

Uh.

... Yeeeaaaaaaaah.

_{[THAT'S. THAT'S REALLY ALL SHE CAN SAY ABOUT IT. YEEEAAAAAAAH.]}

I apologize for nothing.

[nvcr]

Aaaaaaw, aren't they just precious!

C'mere, you! Whoooo's a cute widdle birdie? Whoooo's in possession of the adorablest gaping maw?

That's right.

You are!

omfg cecil

[foolishwren]

_{[.... dUDE NO]}

Wh-- augh, don't touch it!

You have NO idea where that thing's been!

_{[And I DO.]}

[show_my_cannons]

[HEY HEATHER. LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. THERE'S AT LEAST ONE PERSON WHO ISN'T SUPER THRILLED TO SEE THESE UGLY LITTLE PINK BASTARDS.]

[One of them suddenly flies through the air, landing with a gross sort of splurt against a fence. Because after you take a walk through an Otherworld Amusement Park... monsters get kicked. Not picked up. They get kicked by big, stompy boots with steel toes, worn by old, ragged looking guys better than six feet tall, built like linebackers. With scars over their eyes, wearing entirely too much black.]

[Who scowl, and wipe their boot off on the grass, as if they've stepped in something.]

That is not what I wished to see here.

[foolishwren]

_{[... That was a seriously impressive punt. And she's literally turning to congratulate whoever it was who just executed it when she realizes--]}

.... IRONHIDE!!

<sub>[Steel-toed boots, scars, and black clothes or not, the NEXT thing Ironhide will feel is one (1) twenty-something-year-old girl slamming into him with the tightest, most aggressive hug she can muster.]

[Screw the numbodies. They can wait.]</sub>

[action]

[exeggutorhead]

[Well at least one person notices Heather doing her dance of UTTER HORROR.]

[Envy sidles on up to stand next to her, looking down at the little...things....with an expression that's half curiosity and half what the fuck are these poor ugly creatures. He's carrying his pillowcase o' red stones over his shoulder. The faint red glow of them is showing through the fabric, a little.]

So. Uh. These things are from your world, right? Are we about to watch them maul those trainers over there?

[Admittedly he's not sure how they'd maul anything, but you never know.]

[action]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[These aren't even the UGLIEST things from the Otherworld. :(]

[Heather just kind of lets all her breath out in a wheeze, throwing her arms up and gesturing flappily towards the crowd for a moment without even being able to find the words. Finally, she bursts out with--]</sub>

YES, and well, no, probably not, I mean, they're not THAT dangerous, but COME ON PEOPLE! DO THESE SERIOUSLY LOOK LIKE POKEMON TO YOU?!

[restardom]

[ This one might look familiar.

... as she runs screaming from something awkwardly bumbling in her direction because WHAT THE HELL-- ]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[--WHOA NELLY]

[Heather would recognize those shiny red locks anywhere. Almost by instinct, she throws out an arm to catch the idol as she dashes by.]</sub>

WHOA! HEY!

Rise?

[no_ufo_ending]

<sub>[There comes a soft tap tap tap of claws on sidewalk as a miserable yellow and green creature drags himself into town. Not this again. At least this time he had a better idea of what to expect.

And the sun feels kind of nice on his coat, even if it is chilly. His big dumb palm tree ears lift when he hears Heather's dismayed cries.

Oh no!

HENREON bounds onto the scene and screeches to a halt when he sees...well. That.]</sub>

What the hell.

[foolishwren]

<sub>[Oh hey... Henry's a Pokemon again. WELL THAT EXPLAINS ALL THIS.]

[Heather doesn't even bat an eye at the fact that her adopted brother has become a fox made of ferns as she gestures, outraged, at the crowd.]</sub>

Look at this.

Look at these people.

They're picking them UP.

[pooka]

[Oh holy mother of--

Yeah, Bunny is well aware of the fact those aren't pokemon. He remembers pokémon. Those are not it.]

Well what the bloody hell are they, then?!

[He regrets coming this way oh god oh god]

[foolishwren]

You DON'T wanna kno--

... you're a giant rabbit.

_{[... THAT'S.... SPECIAL.]}

... Well, that explains some things.

_{[It's one of THOSE weekends.]}

[darkenedgales]

[And here's a certain birdbrain leaning over one of the monster things, inspecting it with an eye of an expert. Or at least pretending to.]

IIIII wouldn't call these adorable, but hey, whatever floats their boats.

[Not enough beaks and feathers for this one, obviously.]

[foolishwren]

Adorable, more like abominable.

These people are--

_{[... Wait a second.]}

... Crow!

_{[HOPE YOU DON'T MIND GETTING A STRANGLEHOLD HUG, BIRDBRAIN.]}

[stitchedupbodyguard]

What the hell are those?!

[Have you been hanging out with her sister]

[foolishwren]

_{[Nah, just with her own subconscious.]}

Believe me.

You DON'T wanna know.

[wing_attack]

[A bird dive-bombs one that gets close to a trainer, before landing nearby and looking right at Heather.]

[And talking. Or at least talking in her head.]

<Friends of yours?>

[foolishwren]

_{[Heather jerks visibly for a second-- she's had people speak directly into her head before but it's still a little surprising-- before seeing the bird and putting two and two together.]}

Not exactly.

... Back to normal for you, huh Birdboy?

[smotherswithlove]

[ A Wild James appears with CHAINSAW REVVING! because if anything screams silent hill, it's those...weird, phallic, squawky things! He raises the chainsaw in the air, shakes it, and screams! RRaaaaahhh!!! ]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[!!!!!]

[aw he gets a CHAINSAW?!]

[She wishes SHE'D gotten a chainsaw in Silent Hill!]

[But needless to say, his timely arrival is more than appreciated. She doesn't know if he'll remember her. But he obviously remembers what to do with monsters. And she's more than happy to join in.]

[Snatching up the convenient Steel Pipe (!) that appeared within arm's reach, she goes in swinging.]</sub>


RAAAAAAAAAAUUGHGHHH!


<sub>[And witnessing the carnage are several dozen gaping, horrified Pokemon trainers.]

[Good job, you guys.]

[You win at E-rated games about befriending colorful monsters.]</sub>

[ACTION]

[ajustcaws]

[...Cynthia kind of just cocks her head and pulls out an empty Pokeball uncertainly, because on one hand, yolo

...on the other hand...]

...they're a little funky looking, yeah, but I'm kind of wondering what would happen if I did try to catch one...

[foolishwren]

<sub>[--INTERNALIZED STRANGLED YELL.]

[Heather can't remember ever moving as fast as she does when she SLIDES in front of Cynthia, like a baseball player who just batted an easy-to-catch ball and has NOTHING TO LOSE.]</sub>

DON'T.

Do not.

Do NOT pass Go, do NOT collect $200, just-- don't.

_{[Have you ever seen arm-waving this frantic, Cynthia?]}

[carptricks]

[WELL]

[WELL]

[these are uncomfortably familiar]

[cue Kaito walking (rather swiftly, in fact) away from a numb body that has grown fond enough of him to trail after him. he's mumbling to himself. and pinching his arm]

[and walking a bit faster when the numb body proves to be anything but a dream-induced hallucination]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[OH HEY KAITO! GUESS WHAT, THEY REMEMBER YOU!]

[He has a small trail of fish-with-legs waddling after him like ducklings. D'awwwh!]


[But fortunately in this scenario, they're probably not the most likely things in the area to cause him actual physical damage.]

[Heather has to look at him TWICE before she can accept what's in front of her eyes as reality.]</sub>

... Kaito?

[badabooms]

What the hell is that.

[Impmon's seen some weird shit, and these things... don't really take the cake. Maybe a little of the frosting. They're still pretty weird for this place, though.]

They look like freakin' headless birds.

[He's just gonna kind of... poke at one. And try to see down that weird mouth... neckhole... thing. They're not attacking, so maybe they are just really weird Pokemon?]

...HOW ARE YOU ALIVE.

[foolishwren]

<sub>[All things considered, they're probably one of the cuter denizens of the Otherworld. ... You know, if you like pink... veiny phallic-looking things that sound like they swallowed a bass kazoo.]

[The one he pokes lets out a wheezy squawk before BODILY SLAMMING INTO HIM like a very enthusiastic dog.]

[Heather hurries over-- she doesn't know what the little purple dude is, but he probably doesn't want to end up smushed under a pile of the things, and that's what's gonna happen if it knocks him down.]</sub>

Look out!

i'm sorry

[mistydayjudgement]

[Where there's a James, there's a Pyramid Head.

He also needs to take care of the stray monsters. Can't just have them wandering around everywhere... even if "Alessa" is present.]

never apologize for pyramid head

[foolishwren]

<sub>[GOOD GUY PYRAMID HEAD. Someone's gotta keep these things in check!]

[Although the noise 'Alessa' makes when she turns around and spots the geometrical behemoth trudging along is somewhere between a shout of fear and a SCREAM OF PURE OUTRAGED DISBELIEF.]</sub>

NO.

NO.

WHERE ARE Y-- NO, DAMMIT!

<sub>[She may never have encountered Pyramid Head herself, but she knows a child of the Otherworld when she sees one. And dammit, you're ALL bad news!]

[Yanking her vest off, Heather stomps RIGHT TOWARDS the otherworldly executioner, flapping it like you might whip a towel around at... I don't know, a cat or something, to scare it off the table.]</sub>

GO! LEAVE! GO HOME! VAMOOSE!

Action

[haveyouseenalittlegirl]

[Harry is just watching because oh right this place is insane.]

I don't think you're going to get through to them.

Action

[foolishwren]

<sub>[COMPLETELY INSANE.]

[She's opening her mouth to reply when recognition hits her. She knows that voice.]

[Spinning around, she can't help but gasp.]</sub>

--Dad!