foolishwren | 89. [Video/Action for travel group]

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89. [Video/Action for travel group]

_{[A short while after the singing wild Pokemon and egg presents had died down, a rather unfortunate discovery was made upon dialing a number she'd been meaning to dial ever since Claudia Wolf and Kaito Kuroba had disappeared from Johto.]

[Already on the road, the weather's mild enough (even with the wind picking up) that Heather decided that was pretty much a good time to pocket her Valentine's Day present and just head off for a walk. Because lord knows, she needs one.]

[It's not the first time Johto has given everyone the gift of a precious little egg, but it is the first time that Heather's found herself resenting it.]

[The video feed pops on, focused in on a tiny, pale yellow little egg hardly bigger than a chicken's, nestled in the palm of Heather's hand as dry grass goes past underfoot.]}

It would be so easy to just... crush it.

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[Originally, he wasn't going to answer this. He's met Heather the barest handful of times, not nearly enough to know her well; all he knows of her is that she's spunky, energetic, a little rough around the edges--a bit like Yuffie--with an easy smile. A blur of pale colors, freckles and elbows and knees.

And yet he saw this, and it reminded him strongly of a time, a few months ago, when he'd felt so utterly hopeless and angry, angry beyond reckoning, that he'd been willing to tear down everything, and everyone, that got in his way, even the ones closest.

(Especially the ones closest.)

That, and Lightning's mourning at least one of the same people, so he has a hint of what's ailing Heather, if only from moving in the same spaces as her for over fourteen months.

So he switches on the feed. It's possible that Heather might not even recognize the voice.]

It gets old, feeling like you're being cosmically mocked.

[His voice is a bit toneless, but that's generally par for the course with him; it's pretty clear there's an edge of warmth running along his words, though. It's rare that Leon empathizes so clearly.]

_{[Likewise, Heather doesn't know a whole lot about Leon, either. He's that super serious guy who swears allegiance to Minnie, and who Sora idolizes a little. He has an Arcanine. That's about all she knows.]

[It takes her a moment or two to place the voice, but she does eventually.]

[At first she's not sure whether to respond to it or not, but ... the words hit home. They hit home hard. Because that's what's upsetting. It's not the fact that the disappearances happen anymore. She'd always been able to handle those one way or another... when they felt random. When they were just something that happened, like life and death. But this... this is personal. This is unfair. This is exactly what she'd been irrationally afraid of so many months before, when Claudia Wolf had just come to Johto.]

[She'd been afraid that Claudia would somehow, once again, take away her family.]

[It was a stupid worry for many reasons, and she'd known that even back then.]

[But then Claudia had disappeared, and Heather's two best friends in the entire world had disappeared along with her.]

[It's like a slap in the face after Heather had spent so many months striving to try harder to appreciate what she had.]}

... Yeah.

Yeah, it does. It gets real fuckin' old.

You ... you try, you try to be grateful and appreciative and live in the moment, and then all that happens is...!

_{[Leon may be something of a stranger, but... hey. Sometimes it's easier talking to strangers.]}

Everything gets taken away, over and over. And if they return, they don't remember you, or they're different, or you never get that relationship that you built with them back.

[Thinking about this? Just a little.]

It's enough to drive anyone insane. And then, when you get angry, people just...

[Get all up in your grill about your ~feelings~ and ~being positive~ and other assorted bullshit. Sometimes you just want to punch things.]

_{[Leon, are you in her head?]

[She's actually stunned into silence a little as he talks, because... because it's like he's narrating her thoughts.]}

... Yeah.

And...

And nothing you do can stop it.

Even if you take each one and learn from it and do the right thing and... and resolve to appreciate the time you have with people more, and just... just do better...

It doesn't matter.

Because the cycle just repeats itself. And then you wind up... [He pauses, almost stumbles over the worst. How often does he just...let it all out to people? Sometimes it takes a fresh ear to hear the squeak in the machine.]

...you wind up scared, because you keep getting reminded that everything you have could wind up gone--or worse, you could end up leaving everyone behind. And every time it happens that feeling just gets worse.

[He almost, almost prefers the idea of a permanent death. Fallen to the Heartless; at least then they wouldn't come back.]

Yeah.

Yeah, that's it.

That's friggin' it.

... I've been here practically two years. I learned my lesson about ... about taking stuff for granted.

But there's not-- it doesn't-- it never gets better.

_{[She's happy that they're-- that most of them are still alive, wherever they are. She's happy for them. But ... as she'd said to Minnie, there's supposed to be bodies. Or graves. Or a new address. Or a simple fading out. Not this.]}

... I was never able to tell them how much-- ... how much they meant to me. Not really.

You know...this might be selfish, but--

[He cuts himself off, almost afraid to say it. It had been so easy, right to Lightning's face in the heat of the moment, but now, just between him and Heather, it seems so daunting.]

I'd almost prefer knowing they were gone to this.

[There. He said it. And, as if to temper that, he needs to remind her--or maybe himself?--that he's still somewhat responsible, here.]

Living with that regret, all the unsaid words...it's hard, but it can be done.

[He did it, still does it, and as much as he'd love to swagger around pretending otherwise, 'tough as nails' Leon is not.]

_{[There's a long pause on her end, but after a moment or so she makes a quiet, reluctant sound of agreement. There's no way she'd ever wish death on her friends... but there was at least some closure to be found. It was a hideous thing to admit but in a certain small way (not ALL ways. Just some), she can think of deaths that affected her more easily than... these.]}

... I know.

I know. That's what I've been doing.

... I'm just so sick of it, s'all. I thought it'd get easier with time.

_{[But now, it's starting to seem like the only way to make it get easier is to STOP CARING. And she can't do that... even if she wants to. Even if that was kind of her GOAL with the egg. To see if she could.]}

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89. [Video/Action for travel group]

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