foolishwren | 89. [Video/Action for travel group]

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89. [Video/Action for travel group]

_{[A short while after the singing wild Pokemon and egg presents had died down, a rather unfortunate discovery was made upon dialing a number she'd been meaning to dial ever since Claudia Wolf and Kaito Kuroba had disappeared from Johto.]

[Already on the road, the weather's mild enough (even with the wind picking up) that Heather decided that was pretty much a good time to pocket her Valentine's Day present and just head off for a walk. Because lord knows, she needs one.]

[It's not the first time Johto has given everyone the gift of a precious little egg, but it is the first time that Heather's found herself resenting it.]

[The video feed pops on, focused in on a tiny, pale yellow little egg hardly bigger than a chicken's, nestled in the palm of Heather's hand as dry grass goes past underfoot.]}

It would be so easy to just... crush it.

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Forgive me for saying so, but I doubt it. Perhaps you would feel better for a moment, but it would not last.

... Yeah, well...

_{[She lets out a bitter snort.]}

Nothing lasts around here, does it.

True enough.

I suppose it is up to us to make the best of it.

I've been making the best of it.

And it still doesn't seem like enough. I still haven't-- it's fucking bullshit, is what it is!

Yes, it is.

Life is hardly fair. Either you can wail and gnash your teeth, make empty threats, or you can accept it. Make yourself stronger for the next time.

Don't you dare tell me to make myself stronger.

This isn't some kind of test. This isn't life or death or unfairness or strength.

This is about someplace fucking with us all and I'm sick and tired of pretending it's not happening.

Is it not? It certainly is for that life you are threatening to end right now. My friend that was here--that recently disappeared--is only returning to our world to die, unless by some miracle she survives. Even then, I will never know. I myself, when I leave here, may only be going to my death.

Everything is a test. Whether you see it that way or not.

You are not pretending now.

No.

A test means something.

A test means you're getting stronger or proving something or otherwise having some kind of effect.

A test can be FAILED.

I can... I can do ANYTHING right now and it won't have any effect on what's happening to us. What's happening to EVERYONE.

_{[... And then the first part hits her and she looks down at the egg. It's true. It IS life or death for it. ... But the realization doesn't make her feel any better. ... Not, you know, that it SHOULD.]}

[Ziva calmly props her chin on her hand.]

Think of it as a test of character. How you react to a painful situation. It is true--you could do anything right now.

But what you do does have an effect, whether you realize it or not. It has an effect on you, and those closest to you. Right now, you have the opportunity to make yourself stronger. To control yourself, even if you cannot control your circumstances.

[Oddly zen of you, Ziva.]

_{[Very zen! Unfortunately... Heather's not keen on having what she herself has been preaching for so long-- and just been turned against at last due to the sheer weight of losing three people at once, one of whom she'd never made peace with-- preached back at her. It's like losing faith and then being lectured about how important faith is.]

[Her voice trembles when she speaks.]}

I have been thinking of them as tests of character for two. Years.

I've been imagining that they've been making me stronger.

But they aren't, and they haven't.

So save it for someone who's just gotten here and needs to be consoled over losing their best friend for the first time, because I've been around this fucking block.

_{[It's harsh, nasty, and unfair of her to hurl it all back in Ziva's face like this. But that had touched a nerve, apparently.}

Poor you.

[Harsh? Nasty? Unfair? That's Ziva's life story, right there. She's used to it--Heather's tirade isn't fazing her in the least.]

Wailing and gnashing your teeth will not bring them back. It will not make life 'fair.' Nothing is fair.

I think you missed the part where I ever claimed EITHER of those was the case.

Fuck off, lady.

_{[Heather's lived two (short) lives' worth of unspeakable horrors. She knows life is unfair, and that making a scene doesn't change anything. This isn't for the sake of change. ... What it IS for, she's not totally sure. Maybe just blowing off the steam she's been trying to keep in with each passing loss.]}

I've already heard your advice in my OWN voice and if THAT'S not worth listening to anymore, hearing it again isn't gonna change a damn thing.

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89. [Video/Action for travel group]

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