foolishwren | 101. [Text] (backdated to the 23rd)

okay listen up you weedles, I was going through a bunch of old photos stored on this thing and found this one I forgot about from like idk a few months ago or maybe a year or something

it's starter appreciation day so it seemed appropriate to just say a few words or something about that ugly orange thing in the picture with me

okay so first of all
i hate dogs
like
i fuckin HATE them, okay. I always have
I also hate FIRE
Fire and dogs are basically like the top two things on my hate list
so when you take that into account, Cujo the Growlithe is essentially an overlapping circle graph of everything i hate



needless to say, when they gave me HIM on top of all the interdimensional kidnapping and shit it basically felt like this:



except he was some kinda huge mutation or something 
so
i mean
really




like seriously let's take a look at this majestic animal



unlike that other picture, nothing in this one is an exaggeration everything you see is the bare naked truth, like speaking of naked i have no idea how he loses so much hair (on me) every single day and yet still looks like the unholy baby of a tiger and a dusty bunny that lives on the cutting-room floor of a Muppet movie

so yea what I'm trying to say is that i was SUPER DUPER THRILLED at being told i was going to have to go on a magical adventure with this thing. like it'd be one thing if he minded his own business and stayed away from me but



what made it even worse is the fact that i am pretty sure this dog has like two fucking brain cells, i don't think dogs are supposed to be like this



anyway i would draw more of the retarded stuff he does but i think you get the general idea. he is basically the stupidest thing on the planet

so it probably goes without saying that for a long time i basically hated him. he was always up in my space and as i said before, i fuckin hate dogs. his hair got all over my clothes. he was heavy and knocked me down and chewed on my shoes and constantly ran away and got me in trouble because he knocked OTHER people down and chewed on THEIR shoes and to top it all off he'd light things on fucking fire



so what you're all probably thinking is, wow, she clearly hates this poor animal, so was that picture at the beginning photoshopped at something

i'm not even actually sure if they have photoshop here but the answer is NO

you see, after a few months of just generally trying to ignore him, some shit happened and i learned something
despite the colossal asshole i'd been, he stuck with me and protected me anyway. like seriously i was pretty much the most gigantic douchenozzle towards him but he was basically too stupid and nice to care, and things like that deserve someone who actually treats them decent

because seriously i probably would have died if it weren't for him

so yeah uh three years later, here we are

love ya, you stupid stinky dog




_.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

yup.
thii2 fucker had biitchfiight2 wiith me iin the wor2t po22iible place2.

[It's probably worth mentioning at this point that technically, Typhlosion wasn't his actual starter, but the starter of a previous Sollux in Route who was given to him from someone else on the first day. He treated both Typhlosion and his actual starter about as well as Heather did.]

[...Hooray for being a compulsive truth-bender, I guess?]

That sounds more your style.

You'll have to remember us when you become famous though.

[after some time spent laughing...]

Are you sure you actually like him? I'm not quite sure I could tell after reading this message.

[ She's like that character in a children's TV show that spouts some thinly veiled moral before disappearing in a cloud of sparkles and bunny crap. ]

Yes, but I've seen a few people that capture another pokémon and then release their starter. Or, similarly, they box them eternally. It could have been a possibility for you at any moment, yet, you did not do so.

It really doesn't. Do you ever wonder why we're still here, or have you figured it out?

_{[................]

[... Okay, she has to admit that the snorkel is a nice touch.]}

beautiful.

... didn't you go to art school?

uh yeah for photography

_{[--AWWWWWW.]

[Heather might be a tomboy, and she might think Snubbulls are pretty fug for fairies, but she ain't immune to cuteness. She flips the video on too.]}

Awwww, Steve Buscemi's got a little bow!

_{[I'll take 'Sentences you never thought you'd say' for 500, sir!]}

_{[It's too bad that despite her eventual acceptance of Cujo, she's still not really a fan of other dogs. She leans away from the screen a little bit.]}

... Yeah. Glad my Houndoom is quiet.

_{[... She's scared of him anyway, but there you go.]}

_{[GIANT PUPPY STARTERS UNITE.]}

Heh, well...

He grows on you, y'know?

aw come on don't be a sourpuss!!

I think it's sweet.

[Dave laughs. The art and the tone is just perfect. He loves the hell out of this post and gives a nod when he turns on the gear.] Hahahaha, man fire starters all have their quirks. I got saddled with a flaming pony.

[See what he did there.]

But she grew on me.

_[BI]

Ohohoho. If only I could show you some of the stuff I drew as a kid...

well, Cooj never tried to FIGHT me

he was just an idiot

with no concept of personal boundaries

I'll build a shack behind my mansion for you to live in.

well sometimes I wonder but I'm PRETTY sure this warm feeling in my chest isn't heartburn

_{[Obviously she needs to be someone's fairy godmother.]}

well...

_{[She's got no real justification for keeping him. She's not really sure why she did, sometimes.]}

I dunno

most people seem to keep their starters.

I mean kicking it out into the wild, that's cold man

besides, if i'd tried that he'd probably have just followed me

I've pretty much given up wondering. ... As much as this place kicks you in the gut sometimes, it's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me, so... best not to look a gift horse in the mouth, right?

... What about you?

doesn't that include like

how to shoop photos

_{[Jeez Heather ease up he's working with the same tools you are]}

Have you seen a doctor about it just to make sure?

[Blake grimaces as Steve poses and basks in the appreciation] Don't fucking ask me where she scrounged up that thing.

She's not as big or tough as yours, but she's got better manners.

[Blake tries to grab the phone back. Steve hops away out of reach. Nope.]

[Blake glares] Usually.

I'm sure they were masterpieces. Did they include universe butts, too?

[He scratches his chin thoughtfully.]

Come to think of it, your dad has some pictures of you as a kid, right? I don't think there were any of your drawings there, though, at least not in the ones I've seen...

I am not "sweet".

_{[Oh nice, she got The Nod. Radical.]}

Yeah? I have one of those too... thankfully a CALM one. Which is nice, since the destructive potential of something that's permanently on fire surpasses something that just breathes fire by such a massive scale that I'm scared to think about it too hard.

... But yeah. I guess there's just something special about your first, huh?

i think i'm safe

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