foolishwren | 101. [Text] (backdated to the 23rd)

okay listen up you weedles, I was going through a bunch of old photos stored on this thing and found this one I forgot about from like idk a few months ago or maybe a year or something

it's starter appreciation day so it seemed appropriate to just say a few words or something about that ugly orange thing in the picture with me

okay so first of all
i hate dogs
like
i fuckin HATE them, okay. I always have
I also hate FIRE
Fire and dogs are basically like the top two things on my hate list
so when you take that into account, Cujo the Growlithe is essentially an overlapping circle graph of everything i hate



needless to say, when they gave me HIM on top of all the interdimensional kidnapping and shit it basically felt like this:



except he was some kinda huge mutation or something 
so
i mean
really




like seriously let's take a look at this majestic animal



unlike that other picture, nothing in this one is an exaggeration everything you see is the bare naked truth, like speaking of naked i have no idea how he loses so much hair (on me) every single day and yet still looks like the unholy baby of a tiger and a dusty bunny that lives on the cutting-room floor of a Muppet movie

so yea what I'm trying to say is that i was SUPER DUPER THRILLED at being told i was going to have to go on a magical adventure with this thing. like it'd be one thing if he minded his own business and stayed away from me but



what made it even worse is the fact that i am pretty sure this dog has like two fucking brain cells, i don't think dogs are supposed to be like this



anyway i would draw more of the retarded stuff he does but i think you get the general idea. he is basically the stupidest thing on the planet

so it probably goes without saying that for a long time i basically hated him. he was always up in my space and as i said before, i fuckin hate dogs. his hair got all over my clothes. he was heavy and knocked me down and chewed on my shoes and constantly ran away and got me in trouble because he knocked OTHER people down and chewed on THEIR shoes and to top it all off he'd light things on fucking fire



so what you're all probably thinking is, wow, she clearly hates this poor animal, so was that picture at the beginning photoshopped at something

i'm not even actually sure if they have photoshop here but the answer is NO

you see, after a few months of just generally trying to ignore him, some shit happened and i learned something
despite the colossal asshole i'd been, he stuck with me and protected me anyway. like seriously i was pretty much the most gigantic douchenozzle towards him but he was basically too stupid and nice to care, and things like that deserve someone who actually treats them decent

because seriously i probably would have died if it weren't for him

so yeah uh three years later, here we are

love ya, you stupid stinky dog




_.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

_{[And she remembers actually being PROUD of those drawings oh god the humanity.]

[Now, though, she's sort of outgrown the embarrassment and just leans back in her seat, smirking.]}

Yep.

[You were so proud, it was adorable.]

[Sits down next to her.]

And what have the responses been so far? Any offers from gallery's yet?

Oh yeah, pretty much all of them.

I think I'd rather be an independent artist, though.

That sounds more your style.

You'll have to remember us when you become famous though.

I'll build a shack behind my mansion for you to live in.

A whole shack for my very own? You are far too kind.

I learned from the best.

_{[She reaches back to pat Harry magnanimously on top of the head.]}

[He laughs at that.]

Glad to hear my parenting worked so well.

[It worked wonders, clearly.]

I'm glad you two get along though, I know it wasn't easy for you.

Yeah... by the time you got here, we were mostly pals, but before that... I won't lie. It was tough.

[He nods. He may not have her fear of fire, but a giant dog would have gotten a similar reaction from him after Silent Hill.]

You did a good job with it. I'm impressed.

Thanks, Dad.

... How about YOU? I mean, you had to deal with dog monsters too, and I know Cooj is a little ... uh, intense, sometimes...

Edited 2013-03-05 06:01 (UTC)

He is.....

But I have to admit, he grows on you after a while.

[Somehow.]

Even if personal space is probably something you'll never be able to teach him.

... Yeeeeeaaah... I think I was doomed to a life of all my clothes being covered in hair from the moment he was handed to me.

It seems like it.

At least you're learning an appreciation for laundry though.

[Of course Harry.]

More like I learned an appreciation for being hairy, because laundromats are hella hard to find in this place and scrubbing your clothes by hand while you're on the road sucks.

_{[Not that she doesn't do it anyway (Heather might be okay with generally being a grubby hooligan, but wearing unwashed underwear for a week is NO), but it does. Especially in winter.]}

[Small eyebrow raise because, language Heather.]

That too.

But think of all the practise you're getting.

_{[Aw, c'mon Dad. 'Hella' and 'sucks' are tame!]}

Hmph.

Three years of practice is plenty, can't I have like... a complimentary maid to do it for me now or something?

[That's why you're only getting an eyebrow raise.]

[He laughs at that]

Sorry, life doesn't provide free maid service after you reach a certain age.

It doesn't? What a crock.

Nope. After a certain age you get to become your own maid.

Gross. Can I freeze my age here?

Now that, you'll have to take up with the people who run the place. Not me.

101. [Text] (backdated to the 23rd)

Action

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]