foolishwren | 105. FOURTH WALL POST [Action for Saffron City, anywhere in Saffron City! Video's okay too]

_{[She frowns. But does get up. Because if nothing else, these weekends have taught her that things don't usually go away just by ignoring them.]}

So what are you... Robbie's gay cousin or something?

_{[At least this one TALKS. And isn't covered in blood or reeking of corpses, like the costume-actor died inside of their own suit.]

[That alone pushes this little guy further into 'annoyance' territory rather than 'creepy'.]}

[Funny thing she prefers it that way, really; most people would like it better if he shut up, that's for sure.]

Finally! I was starting to get bored, you know.

[Now that she's here, his frustration is gone in an instant, replaced by a self-satisfied grin.]

Silly Header! You think that just because we're both rabbits, we must be related? You're not related to every human out there, are you now?

[The bunny pauses for a moment, eyeing her carefully before adding one more (seemingly offhand) comment.]

Well, chances are you wouldn't be anyway.

[He gives her a condescending look, one that a sadistic child gives a cockroach that fell on its back and can't get up. Which, from his point of view, is exactly the case.

Without waiting for a reply, he hops back a bit, does a small pirouette and bows.]

My name is Zero III. I'm the ruler of this kingdom!

[Straightening up, he gives her a cheerful smile.]

We're gonna play a game!

_{[Well, give her some time. She might start pining a little for Robbie.]

[But for the moment, she just shoots him an ugly look to match the one he gave her. She's already pretty sure she doesn't like him.]}

This kingdom? If you mean Johto, you might need to elaborate in order to convince me not to turn the game into one you won't like much at all.

_{[HE PROBABLY DOESN'T MEAN THAT but man she wouldn't mind having an obnoxious furry little punching bag to vent her spleen on for everything that's happened to her in this goddamn mood-whiplash-laden place.]}

Uwaah, scary! You're gonna make my fur stand on end!

[Or not, given how it's a blatant mockery.]

Yep, that's exactly what I mean! Think of me as a facilitator of the place. I make sure the game runs smoothly and without interruptions!

[He seems perfectly content with that explanation, even if it technically didn't explain anything.]

_{[Heather's head slowly tilts and she just... looks at him.]}

... Okay.

So... you're telling me you control Johto.

What happens in it.

_{[The people who come, the people who go...?]}

Yeah, you could say that.

[Seems like he has some of her actual attention at last. Good, good.]

I set up the game and watch over it, so that people play according to the rules. If they break the rules, they get punished.

[He puts emphasis on that last word and makes a pause to ensure the meaning of it sinks in.]

But! But but but! It's up to the players what they do in the game. Even I carrot tail what hoppens next!

_{[Sorry, bunny. When he confirms the answer to her question (that he is, supposedly, the mastermind behind Johto), her brain zeros straight in on that.]

[Because man, you know what she's been feeling a lot of resentfulness and anger towards lately? The way Johto works.]

[So as the rabbit goes on, she is, as though suddenly having a super great idea, bending down and shuffling around in the grass with her hands.]

[Empty water bottle? Nope. ... Old candy wrapper? No....]

[Funny-shaped rock? ... Funny, but no.]

[8D A BIG STICK]

[EQUIP Y/N]

[Y]}

[He has to admit, she may be one of the least cooperative players he's had to deal with, but who is he to question his boss' orders?

Nevertheless, the bunny watches her until she finds what she's looking for, tilting his head to the side. Oh boy, it's a stick. What a cute little rabbit can say to that?]

I hop you're not planning on hitting yourself on the head with that. I don't need you any dumber that you already are!

[KEEP CALM AND FACILITATE ON.]

Yeah, actually, I mean, you got the right idea.

It's definitely a head I wanna hit.

But it's not technically mine or anything.

Say, could you hold still for a sec?

[In some ways, she's starting to remind him of Dio. The same barbaric, unruly kind who would disembowel him if they could.

Which he is perfectly fine with, since they're more fun that way.]

Donno, depends on what you understand by that.

I mean, technically, I've been still aaaaaall the time we're talking! Haven't moved a single inch.

[And, as if to demonstrate his point, the bunny spreads his paws and shrugs.]

That's fine, just stay like that, please and thank you.

_{[She weighs the stick in both hands thoughtfully, giving it an experimental swing in the air or two.]

[And then brings it viciously down on the bunny's head.]}

[The stick falls right through the bunny, hitting the ground with a thud; the sound is then followed by Zero III's amused laugh.]

Nya nya nya-nya nya! Sucks to be you, huh?

[He hops away a bit-- but wait, he's not done making fun of her yet!]

You're even more stupid than you look, Header. I'm a rabbit. You really think a talking rabbit is a thing?

[The bunny lets out an overly dramatic sigh just to emphasize the fact one has to be a complete dolt to think that.]

I'm an A.I.! Meaning I live in the main computer over hare. Told you I haven't moved an inch, didn't I?

_{[... >8( god dammit. She KNEW that had been too easy...]

[Also wow fuck you annoying laughter.]}

Hey, FUCK you, if yellow rabbits that shoot lightning from their cheeks is a thing, why is a talking one dressed up like Chinese party favor so hard to believe?!

[He waggles his paw with a smirk.]

Tsk tsk tsk... First off, that one's a rat. A really tacky one, at that. We, bunnies, don't have anything like that among us!

[SEMANTICS. Though never mind he's just admitted to technically not being a rabbit or... any animal in general.]

Second, are you done playing around? I told you I don't like waiting, and I've got a game to run. You do wanna hear more about it, right?

No, actually, I wanna kill you. Or at least do something awful to you.

So unless you wanna tell me where the computer you're in is, I'm out.

_{[She slings the stick away and lifts a hand to flip Zero off before turning away.]}

M'kay. It's not like anybunny is forcing you to play! It's fine if you just leave at that.

[Isn't that awfully generous of him? He won't be keeping her here against her will!

Although, after a short pause, the bunny adds one more thing:]

After all, it carrot be helped if you don't care what hoppens to your daddy.

_{[... Fuck.]

[It's not fair.]

[She knows a stupid, contrived trick to get her to play along when she hears one.]

[She wishes super hard that she could ignore it.]

[But she stops.]}

... My dad is dead.

What else can happen to him?

_{[Sure, he's alive and well here... and she sure doesn't wanna see him hurt... but. >8(]}

[All is fair when you're the one making the rules.]

I donno.

[He makes it sound as innocent and genuine as possible, but it doesn't take a genius to figure it's neither.]

Maybe he could go home. Back to, y'know, being dead.

[Just a thought.]

_{[The look she's giving him could turn evergreens crispy and brown.]}

So what's your game?

You threaten my father so that I'll go kill some people for your amusement? Is it a Saw sort of thing where I'll have to jump over pits with spikes in them or shove my hand into vats of hypodermic needles?

And you'll sit around and jerk yourself off or something?

You sure are bloodthirsty one, Header.

[Says who.]

I carrot guarantee that nobunny will die, but that's not the point of the Nonary Game! ... Not the main one, anyway.

[Because that's so reassuring, isn't it?]

The goal is to find the door 9! You'll have exactly 9 hours for that, since you'd probably slack off otherwise.

Where I come from, you have to be.

_{[It's not entirely true... you could survive Silent Hill without having an inner lust for blood. Her father is proof of that. ... But as unpleasant as it is to admit, it's how she managed to live through it.]}

So it's some shitty edgy gameshow where people might die.

Fantastic.

Is there a reason you want ME to do this, asshole?

If tailing yourself that makes you feel better then sure, be my guest.

[The bunny shrugs. Really, even if somebody does end up dying, it's no skin off his nose anyway.]

It's nothing personal! Actually, you should think of it as a privilege. You've been chosen by Zero.

A privilege usually implies that I get something worthwhile.

Your attention doesn't seem particularly helpful, so maybe you'd better find another word.

What, you think the lives of you, your daddy and friends aren't "worthwhile"?

[He lets out a small gasp.]

Your heart must be made of stone!

You telling me that you won't kill my family and friends if I do as you say isn't a privilege, it's blackmail.

Pull all the bullshit you want but have the balls to call it what it is.

105. FOURTH WALL POST [Action for Saffron City, anywhere in Saffron City! Video's okay too]

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