foolishwren | 112. [Video]

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112. [Video]

_{[It's Christmas morning, either before or after the presumed present-opening-- late enough for the sun to be that warm yellow glow as it comes through the windows.]

[The video comes on as the 'Gear is set down on a shiny counter top, and then there's a clunk as a big tall glass of some Christmasy nutmeg-dusted drink is set down in front of it. It's followed by Heather.]}

If anyone ever told me I'd be getting up early to train on Christmas morning, I'd be like pffffpchcpt.

... But damn if I don't feel pumped as hell.

_{[She scoots to the side a little bit and beckons to someone offscreen.]}

Hey, c'mon, get in the shot! Don't be shy.

_{[After a little more coaxing, the one she's talking to scoots into view and shyly waves a big red punching glove. It's a Hitmonchan with mostly-shut, squinting eyes and a rather lumpy head.]}

Junior here's been helping me out ever since he evolved. We're just grabbing something before we head back to the hotel.

... _{[She pauses and leans over to glance at a SECOND glass, which is sitting in front of the Pokemon.]}

... I hope Pokemon can have this stuff without getting sick.

_{[Because she hadn't exactly asked before getting two. :I]}

... Well, the Pokemon Center's right next door.

_{[She lifts the glass, and the Hitmonchan does the same.]}

Cheers!

_{[It seems like a wrap, and she even reaches over to turn the 'Gear off... but then:]}

[CRASH THUMPPA-THUD BOOM]

_{[There are several screams and the tinkle of breaking glass as a flying Stantler comes smashing through the restaurant like a juggernaut]}

.... Well that just happened.

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[He doesn't quite understand it still, but he's trying. He gets the basic gist, that what he met that weekend was still her. But he nods.]

That's good, at least.

...and the life or death decision?

[He wants to know, but if she doesn't want to tell him he won't push the issue. He has plenty of things he doesn't want to tell people about himself, after all.]

_{[There's a long pause, wherein she doesn't look at the screen.]}

... Back then, there was only one way to stop something really bad from happening. And I was in a lot of pain anyway, so there was nothing to lose.

But I got some unexpected help and things turned out a little differently.

... When the bad thing started to happen again, there was that big part of me that was scared of going through it again, so I almost went with the original plan after all.

... The original plan was to die.

[Envy listens quietly, but at those last words he goes as still as a statue, tense and with a look of alarm on his face. It takes him a few moments to get control over his expression again.]

But you decided not to.

[It's not a question, because the answer is obvious or she probably wouldn't be here right now. And she had said 'almost'. But there are very, very few people Envy has ever genuinely cared about, and Heather is one of them. He's known homunculi that wanted to die and managed to do so. So he just wants to hear her say the actual words.]

[And somewhere in the back of his mind, there's the angry thought that surely someone had put her in that situation, that there was someone to blame. There's always someone to blame.]

Yeah.

I decided I'd been through too much to end it like that. If I was gonna die, I wanted to go down fighting. And I didn't care how much it would hurt.

_{[Had it been foolish, as Alessa had accused, to gamble the fate of the world against her own desire to take a chunk out of the hand that was dragging her by the scruff to the slaughter? ... Probably, yes. BUT HEY. It worked out in the end, didn't it?]}

... Besides... I'd already made it out with my life once before.

What was I supposed to do... throw away those seventeen years Dad and my past self bought me like they didn't mean a thing?

Hell no, of course you shouldn't have.

[He says this with conviction.]

There's no reason to ever go down quietly if you can help it.

Yeah.

That's how I felt.

... I just kind of had to... have a fight with myself before I could really believe it.

_[Literally.]

[He struggles with what to say for a few moments. It's always harder for him to put things into words when he's being genuine instead of just lying or putting on an act.]

I'm glad you won that fight.

[And he means that, completely.]

_{[She doesn't mind. She'd rather sense the struggle than have someone come back instantly with some platitude that was too immediate to truly mean something.]}

... Yeah.

Me too.

[He's quiet for a moment. But there's something else he wants to know.]

And...the bad thing you were fighting? Did you win?

Unless it hasn't happened yet.

[Like with the situation Henry had been telling him about.]

_{[There's a pause, but then she smiles a little bit.]

[It's different from her normal grins. There's something a little bizarre about it. Maybe even a little bit frightening.]}

Envy.

You know me.

D'you really think I'd have lost?

[Envy's brow furrows slightly, and he gives her an odd, almost searching look. Yeah, that's definitely a different grin from normal. But then he nods, his own expression returning to what it was before.]

Of course not, what was I thinking?

[He sounds a little relieved again, too. Because yes, that grin wasn't quite right, but it wouldn't be the first time he's seen Heather act in an unusual way. He's seen how she fights monsters. And for someone like Envy, things that might bother or frighten most people aren't much of an issue. The important part to him is that she won.]

_{[It only lasts a second. Then it's back to her usual goofy, crooked grin.]}

Yeah, I won.

Wouldn't be here if I didn't, right?

[YES GOOD. He grins back.]

Well, dead people do show up here all the time. I just wanted to make sure.

But I really should have just gone ahead and assumed.

We-ell.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't died a few times before I could achieve the desired result.

But hey.

I'm like a bad penny.

I always come back.

_{[On some level it feels weird to be joking about it. But then, joking has always been how Heather's been able to handle uncomfortable truths.]}

Well, after the first time, dying's not so bad. Not if you know you're going to come back from it, anyway.

[He certainly doesn't mind her joking about it; he's never been one for being serious for long, even about serious subjects.]

Being able to come back isn't something most people have going for them, though.

_{[She wrinkles her nose and heaves a sigh.]}

I dunno.

Once I realized what was happening... seemed to hurt even worse each time 'cuz I knew it wasn't gonna be over.

Maybe that was a bit of the old me shining through, I dunno.

It does hurt, no denying that.

I've been dying and coming back for so long, I guess I got used to it.

[It became an inconvenience. A very painful inconvenience sometimes, and something he'd rather avoid, but not really a big deal. Nothing to have nightmares over, like his first death. Then again, he didn't have to come back to Silent Hill. He tilts his head at her, realizing something.]

How is it that you could come back more than once, anyway? I know how I can do it, but I don't think it'd be the same thing for you.

[It also adds a whole new level of awful to the idea of her killing herself. When a homunculus like him that has more than one life wants to do that, they have to do it repeatedly.]

Edited 2014-01-20 19:02 (UTC)

_{[There had always been something horridly futile about Alessa's attempts to end her own life. She had probably always known it, too-- otherwise she wouldn't have turned to something as drastic as the Seal of Metatron.]

[At the question, though, Heather pauses.]

[She's been talking freer than she otherwise would in a public place, thanks to the general chaos-- but there are limits.]}

... I'm, uh... gonna move somewhere else, okay?

[Envy shifts and re-settles against the air conditioner he's still leaning on, and nods.]

Sure, go ahead.

[He's fine with waiting until she finds as much privacy as she wants.]

_{[All things considered, she probably should have just hung up and called him back later, but she leaves the call going as she gets up and heads out, recalling her Pokemon as she does so.]

[It's awhile before the jittering video and sounds of walking stop.]}

... Still there?

[There's plenty of people for him to watch down on the streets below. Even in the morning, Goldenrod is starting to get busy. He starts paying attention to the 'Gear again when he hears her voice.]

Yeah, I'm still here.

_{[She draws her collar tighter before sitting down-- she's outside now, sitting on a bench.]}

'Kay, cool.

So... to answer that question.

... We haven't talked about it in awhile, but... you're... y'know. You do the rebirth thing because you're not human. Right?

[He nods.]

Yeah, mostly. We've got a...

[He pauses, and gestures vaguely with his free hand. It's hard to describe the red stones without going into what they are and the alchemy behind it.]...a power source, that we eat. If I don't run out of that, it'll bring me back. But it only works because of what I am, yeah.

_{[She nods, slowly.]}

Gotcha.

... Well.

I'm not... exactly human either.

Yeah, I remember. I think you told me before, a while ago.

...And if you hadn't, I would've figured it out during those few days.

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