120. [FOURTH WALL, ACTION FOR ERRYBODY] Backdated to morning on the 29th onwards

[foolishwren]

<sub>[What a lovely morning!]

[It's the crack of dawn, the Pidgeys are twittering, sprinklers next door are turning on and occasionally shooting water over the fence and into the pool, making the two Sharpedo living back there swim around in mingled excitement and panic. What a time to be alive.]





[Wait a minute.]





[God dammit.]</sub>



[ooc: This is a bit of a catch-all, feel free to assume your character is running into Heather ANY TIME, ANYWHERE. They don't have to respond specifically to the Sewer Fairy, although she will be following Heather around and popping up in inopportune places.]

Comments

[show_my_cannons]

... You just cannot escape the weird scrap. Can you?

[Hi Heather, it's your robot dad. On your gear. How's it going?]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[At least there's ONE goddamn thing she can look forward to about these days.]

[Heather groans, rubbing her face while the fairy twinkles faintly in the background.]</sub>

Hey. How long have you known me?

You should be able to tell by now that I'm cursed.

[show_my_cannons]

[He grimaces at the fairy. That's... even worse than the more sparkly of the pokemon. Seriously.]

I was hoping your 'curse' had passed somewhat. I was incorrect.

[Pause.]

Are you all right?

[foolishwren]

Yeah.

The most this shit hurts is my EYES.

To be honest, I'm just glad there's no monsters this time.

[show_my_cannons]

Are you?

Just means we cannot punch them.

[Meaning: no back-to-back monster squashing with dad and child.]

[foolishwren]

... Heh.

You always do have a good point.

Been missin' you a lot lately.

[show_my_cannons]

That, I try to do frequently.

... Hm. Everything all right?

[foolishwren]

As all-right as it can be.

Just been nostalgic lately, y'know?

Where are you, anyway? I'd rather hang out with YOU than this dingbat.

_{[She jerks her thumb over her shoulder at the fairy.]}

[show_my_cannons]

Sort of.

Eh... [Cue a slow look around.] Here. See?

[Ironhide, turning the camera around to show off your surroundings just makes people sick.]

[foolishwren]

--oookay, okay, you can stop, I can tell where you are.

I'll be there in fifteen as long as no living cartoons or magic schoolbuses run me over, okay?

[show_my_cannons]

Magic... school buses...

[But okay. He'll be there.]

[no_ufo_ending]

<sub>[You know who's havin a good day? HENRY FUCKIN' TOWNSHEND. You know why? Because he is not a Leafeon. He isn't being plagued by scary rune-circled holes. He hasn't been assaulted by giant two-headed babies with man hands. He is well aware of the chaos plaguing the city, but you know whose problem that is?]

[NOT HENRY'S.]

[So when he walks in the door after his short trip from the store to get more sandwich bread because he recently got high and ate it all, he pauses. And he stares. Why was there a sparkling lady floating over Heather?]</sub>

Uh.

[foolishwren]

<sub>[IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, HENRY.]

[Unless what it looks like is a magical fairy holding two pipes and hovering above the couch like some kind of pastel-themed Ju-On ghost.]

[Heather looks over at him and just... GROANS.]</sub>

Don't ask.

_{[The fairy, meanwhile, floats hopefully in Henry's direction. c8 Did HE drop the pipes?]}

[no_ufo_ending]

...What he hell?

_{[HE DONE DID IT, HEATHER. HE ASKED. But when Glowing Pipe Chick started coming his way, he brandished the bread like a weapon and let out a startled throaty sound.]}

[foolishwren]

I don't think she'll hurt you.

Actually, I'm pretty sure she's a hallucination.

<sub>[She swings her legs off the couch and groans AGAIN, rubbing her eyes.]

[The sewer fairy looks a little hurt at Henry's reaction, but doesn't push her luck. Instead she drifts off sadly, mumbling something about never being able to find an honest man.]</sub>

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[He watches her go, gingerly lifting a hand to the side of his head.]}

Then we're both hallucinating...and that means you've been in my stash.

[foolishwren]

No, that means it's one of THOSE days.

_{[HER TONE IS DARK.]}

[no_ufo_ending]

<sub>[Squint.]

[Squint.]</sub>

That explains the flying schoolbus.

[foolishwren]

_{[For a second, Heather just looks up at him from between her fingers, elbows on her knees.]}

... Yes.

YES, Henry.

It explains the flying schoolbus.

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[He shies back, momentarily injured by her tone.]}

Hey, I didn't wake up as Cheerios, how was I supposed to just assume?

[foolishwren]

_{[SORRY HENRY SHE JUST WOKE UP]}

Not EVERY weekend like this involves getting turned into a Pokemon.

I'm just glad the Kool-Aid Man hasn't shown up again.

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[Henry clenched his teeth and looked around at the walls in sudden terror.]}

Don't say that out loud.